Did this one Saturday morning immediately on awakening. I’m glad I’ve given up the concept of a “morning ritual.” Things have been working out a lot better with my new “spontaneous” approach. (Helps with the holiday blues, too).
1. Really interesting, obviously meaningful, vivid dreams.
2. Slept almost 8 hrs between 10:30 and 6:30, getting up briefly at 4 to take my thyroid medication. Surprised I slept so well and so long.
3. Made it to the Food Bank and this time they gave me coffee too. Walked two big bags home and nothing broke.
4. Heard from T. three times yesterday, like late at night. She seemed to want to interact, but I was too brain-dead. Then I dreamed about her all night, and it’s interesting that I’ve gotten to No. 4 (doing this first thing on waking up) and still remember the dreams.
5. I even stopped to make coffee in the meantime, and I still remember the dreams. Moreover, this time the coffee’s at the right strength — it’s Winko’s Classic Roast — and it tastes so good. Nice to have a coffee maker and good coffee, when it’s so cold outside. Nice to be inside. Nice to be out of the cold.
7. I don’t seem to have a big urge or craving to smoke, or any desire to go out of my way to get any. For me, this is a good thing. I just want the issue to be out of the way so I can stop tripping on it and be more effective in life, without it always tugging at me. And that seems to be happening, though I feel a void.
8. Thankful for those two theology groups, and the way I met them just because they were entering the reserved reading room to the right of the Round Table, and I sort of merrily joined in. The one from St. Mark’s has turned out to be a real blessing.
9. Read all of 1 Peter and 2 Peter when I came home last night. I should read the Bible more, it has a way of making me humble.
10. Okay, so I’ve been depressed lately because it seems I don’t quite know how to love or be loved. The things that most people seek after escape me. They don’t interest me; I don’t understand what they think they’re going to receive from all these situations that almost invariably cause them pain. The dream was all about that too, combined with me being in a stressed out leadership position and winding up crying on some lady’s shoulder at the end. But you wanna know what? It’s my Karma. Time to Embrace It. My lot in life, my portion – could have been a lot more meaningless. Let God Be My Judge. I am grateful for who I am.
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