Q. Where are you coming from?
A. Why do you ask?
Q. Aren’t you a little quiet this morning?
A. Didn’t sleep well enough.
Q. Can you get more sleep?
A. Maybe a nap, maybe later.
Q. Anything going on that you want to talk about this morning?
A. Well, I’m a bit down. But I think it’s the kind of thing that more sleep will eliminate.
Q. Down about anything in particular?
A. My personality, I suppose, as usual.
Q. Down on yourself?
A. Yes and no. I’m not down on my achievements, or my work. But some of the dumb things I do kinda get to me every now and then.
Q. Like what?
A. We discussed it earlier. I put my foot in my mouth sometimes. It’s awkward.
Q. Is this that thing of “jumping the gun” again?
A. Yeah, that’s it. Jumping the gun. Speaking before I think.
Q. When was the last time you did that?
A. Oh, maybe last night.
Q. What was the context?
A. Talking to somebody from California. I mentioned a great compliment I had received. But it wasn’t to highlight the fact that I was complimented. It was to illustrate a point.
Q. What was the point?
A. A parallel between the protagonist in my musical and my own personality, me being the one who wrote the musical.
Q. Somebody compared you to the main character in your musical?
Q. In a good way, or in a bad way?
A. Oh – a very good way. It was highly complimentary. But the point is — it was a factual comparison.
A. Yes – it illustrated an intriguing parallel. So I was hoping that the person from California would catch the parallel. Instead, they only caught the fact that somebody had “said something sweet” to me. The way they said it — “Ah, how sweet!” — indicated that they didn’t understand or appreciate the parallel. They related to the fact that I was complimented — not to the substance of the complimentary statement. They could have said it about somebody saying something nice about my shirt.
Q. So how did you put your foot in your mouth?
A. By calling attention to the fact that someone had complimented me, rather than to the dynamics of the intriguing psychological parallel in the first place.
Q. So the focus was on the fact that you were complimented, not on the essence of the complimentary statement?
A. You heard me! It’s like I just said. It was as though I spoke out of ego — out of wanting the Californian to know that I had been complimented — kinda like I would have done when I was still down in California. But in so doing, I missed the opportunity to get an intriguing psychological phenomenon across to them. In fact, I could have left myself out of the picture entirely, and it would have been a much more meaningful interaction.
Q. Why did you not do so? Why did you call attention to the fact that someone had flattered you, rather than to the intellectual dynamics of an interesting topic in the first place?
A. Because I was talking with a Californian.
Q. But – but — why does it matter whether they were a Californian or not?
A. Because in California, everybody was either always very critical of me, or else they were feeding my ego with inordinate praise.
Q. So you inordinately praised yourself, in order to defray their criticisms?
A. Exactly. I defended myself — even though I had not yet been attacked.
Q. Why do you stigmatize Californians?
A. I think “stereotype” would be a better word.
Q. So why stereotype them? Why stereotype anybody?
A. I don’t know. It took years for me to realize that my best possible solution in life was to simply leave the State of California. Since then, I’ve basically been raving to old friends of mine how great it is up here in Idaho. But they never receive the positive. They just think I’m down on Californians for some reason.
Q. Are you?
A. Well — I can count the number of Californians I still talk to on one hand.
Q. What is it about California?
A. You got me, man. They have this attitude — and I don’t like to stereotype people or box them in — I hate it when people do that to me — but it’s this glaring generalization that I can’t escape. They somehow — in general — put forth the attitude that they’re better than the rest of us, simply because they live in California. And it’s like whoop-de-doo. For all the problems that California has, you’d think they’d stop telling everybody in all the other States how we’re supposed to live.
Q. Are you sure you want to post these words online, where everybody can see them?
A. Not really.
Q. Then why are you doing it?
A. Because of my personality. I stick my foot in my mouth. I don’t think before I speak. I jump the gun.
Q. Can you get better at this?
A. Maybe. Gradually over time, I suppose.
Q. Say — I just thought of something — were you hurt by the way you were treated in California?
A. Hurt doesn’t even say it. I was only as though I was a piece of garbage for about twelve years, while I and a bunch of other so-called pieces of garbage were struggling to survive.
Q. You mean, when you were homeless?
A. Yes. When I was homeless. When we were homeless.
Q. But nobody’s treating you like garbage now, are they?
A. Not that I can tell.
Q. Then why bemoan the past?
A. Because I have no guard against becoming homeless again. I’m just a check or two away. One single emergency, and I’m probably out on the streets.
Q. And then what?
A. Then we’ll see how all these people who seem to like me so much will treat me.
Q. But they’re not Californians, are they?
A. No – but they’re people. And people have their ideas about homeless people. They usually don’t change them — until they themselves become homeless.
The Questioner is silent.
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3 thoughts on “Tuesday Tuneup 103”
I think people everywhere are judgy, but in some places (like presumably California), it’s more socially acceptable to vocally judgy. I wonder how people who are relatively non-judgy at baseline would react to one of their own, so to speak, becoming homeless. If they could overcome that initial urge to judge, they might actually learn something.
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The way it’s been put across to me, the atmosphere up here is more cooperative, and the atmosphere in California more competitive. I’ve also noticed however that people up here are a bit more polite. They still operate according to the old adage “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
As to what you wonder, I think a lot of my friends were non-judgmental towards me, but when I became homeless, they couldn’t figure it. So their statements, if not judgmental, always were about something other than what I was trying to convey.
My initial statements were along the lines of: “I’m homeless now, I’m scared, I’m hungry, I’ve never been homeless before, I don’t know what to do,”
Their statements were along the lines of: “Well, you’re having a mental health breakdown. You need to seek mental health assistance, because we’re not equipped to help you in this area.”
True that I was having a mental health breakdown. But the difficulty I experienced is that the word “homeless” was often completely overlooked — as though they didn’t want that undeniable factor to be part of the equation.
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Huh, interesting. But at the same time, not surprising.
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