Q. Where would you like to be?
A. In a different place.
Q. What’s wrong with the present place?
A. Too small.
Q. Your apartment is too small?
A. No. This town is too small.
Q. Too small for what?
A. For my comfort.
Q. What do you mean?
A. Things get around.
Q. What did you do?
A. I lost my cool.
A. Somebody pressed my buttons.
A. They kept making this mistake. But they didn’t know it was a mistake. And I was too afraid of hurting them to be open about why it was a mistake. To this day, they don’t think they made a mistake. But that itself is a mistake.
Q. But how did this press your buttons?
A. It didn’t — until they started to blame it all on me. Then I blew my top. It wasn’t all my fault. What was my fault was that I kept pretending everything was okay, out of not wanting to hurt them, and not wanting to lose them.
Q. Did you lose them?
A. Something like that. Or maybe they lost me. But it doesn’t matter. I just want to be in a different place.
Q. What kind of place?
A. A larger place. A place I can call home. A place where you’re allowed to have problems. Where you’re allowed to make mistakes without risking it becoming small town gossip.
Q. Where would this place be?
A. I don’t know. I’m used to the big cities. I’m not used to the small towns. Even now, after nearly five years, I’m not used to it.
Q. What about the workshop?
A. It might be a good idea to record a few songs — piano and singing only — using our respective smartphones. I’ve noticed the iPhones have very good sound quality. I don’t want their hard work to have gone to waste.
Q. Can you stick around long enough to do this?
Q. Where will you go if you leave?
A. North and West. Spokane first. Then maybe Seattle.
Q. What about money?
A. It’s a matter of timing. The wherewithal will emerge if it’s in His will.
Q. Are you in His will?
A. I believe so. I believe I have an inheritance in His kingdom.
Q. How large an inheritance?
A. At this point? I’m sure it’s pretty small. It might become larger, if I hang around and start doing the right things. Whatever they are.
Q. Anything else?
A. I’m tired. And I want to go home.
The Questioner is silent.
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2 thoughts on “Tuesday Tuneup 113”
Well – I had a thought after I wrote this, and I contacted the team. I’m waiting to hear from one of the singers, but I think we’ll do one of the songs simply around the piano, so people can hear the blend of those three women’s voices. Then I’ll use the version of the song “Hunted” that we did last time, and with “Turns Toward Dawn,” that will be the three songs for the demo. Then I can acknowledge everyone when I sent out the script, score & demo. The demo doesn’t have to be as spectacular as the recording engineer and I had been thinking.
Mainly what happened is when I finally had gathered everyone’s schedules, the conglomerate of conflicts was such that we’d have to do another “rush job” to get it done in the original vision. I wasn’t willing to go that far, because it would have been too stressful for me, and I have the kind of condition that warrants my avoiding excessive stress.
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