Gratitude List 1804

(1) After an unusually stressful day yesterday, I came home and decided to shelter in place till Thursday. It seems a nice time to read & reflect, maybe write a little, listen to music, play the piano — and only go out for exercise. It’s interesting that it feels like I’m “on vacation” in my own place of residence! Grateful for the solitude; grateful for the leisure.

(2) On a similar note, I’m grateful for Zoom meetings.   I only have two Zoom commitments in the next three days, but neither of these people could care less if I showed up in my bathrobe.  Grateful not to have to go through a totally stressful process in order to arrive somewhere on time.  I really don’t miss searching for my keys, my wallet, my glasses, my mask, my iPhone, and whatever else I need, putting down one thing unconsciously somewhere while picking up the other, and worrying all the time that I’m going to be twenty minutes late because of it.   With Zoom, a cup of coffee, and a couple clicks of a mouse, we’re rollin.’

(3) Grateful for running and for the role it has played throughout my life.   Did two miles yesterday charging up the hill and feeling quite chipper.

(4) Although I lost the beanie I have worn every day for nearly four years now, and although it is nowhere to be found, and although it felt really strange to go through two church services and a Choir rehearsal in my fedora, I am very grateful to have run into a certain Math professor who, feeling my plight, responded by gifting me with his beanie.   Grateful for this wonderful little college town and all the nice people whom I have met here.

(5) Speaking of loss, I may have overreacted recently in interpreting a certain person’s professional declining to complete a project “at this time” as a “loss.”  Something in the wording sounded like they never wanted to see me again.   Later, I found that I was reading too much into their words — due to my own abandonment issues.   Anything is possible.   Though this particular project has been suspended, there may be a project in the foreseeable future wherein they & I just happen to come together again.   And that may be sooner than we think.

It is nice to be valued.   But it’s even nicer to value someone.   I’m very grateful for the beautiful artistic experience that this very impressive person has brought to my life.

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”
Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club.”

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11 thoughts on “Gratitude List 1804

    • Not to be change-resistant, but I somehow can’t picture me with a man-purse. It also probably wouldn’t work any better than all the other numerous things I’ve tried. Last night it took me 75 minutes from the moment of deciding to “make a list” to the moment when I actually had a pen and a notebook sitting in front of me. I basically “live in my head” and have very low awareness either of my environment or of what I am doing with my body (hands, fingers, etc.) when I am “in my head.”

      Liked by 2 people

      • My PTSD is so much better than it used to be, thanks to a lot of prayer, good therapy, and reading a lot of recommended self-help books on the topic. I had some EMDR and neurofeedback treatments, too, several years ago, that helped a lot.

        But lately, I have been experiencing some trauma triggers. Part of that is caused by the fact that I am writing a memoir, which necessitates having to relive a lot of the old traumas. And part of it is life circumstances. I will spare you the details. I keep wanting to write a post about these things, but have been feeling too overwhelmed to put the words together in a coherent way.

        Anyway, this too shall pass. I exercise every day, which definitely helps. I am on my exercise bike right now, in fact. I’m grateful for this bike!

        Liked by 1 person

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