I had asked all the people at all churches where I have recently failed to be a good church musician to pray for my doctor’s appointment this morning. The appointment went well, and I find this doctor to be one whose judgment I have no reason to distrust. Then I sent this follow-up email to all the church people on the list.
I’ll try to be brief.
Dr. T seems like a decent doctor, and I believe i can get my levothryoxine refills from him as well as the annual check-up, if it ever finds anything else wrong with me physically. Which it probably will because I’m aging.
He is not a mental health diagnostician. He understood my rundown of the symptoms and has no reason not to believe me. He wonders how much of it is neuro-physiological and how much is psychological. He mentioned a form of “brain test” that has three words, that I was trying to remember long enough to give my daughter a voice text, when the modern day text device started acting up on me and jangled my nerves. So I just don’t remember the recommendation, but in any case, Dr. T was not about to presume to diagnose me on the spot.
I already know that I am completely neurodivergent and that the more I am aggravated by this condition, the better my piano playing is at the same time. I believe the last pastor who heard me play in a church setting at a time when I was completely totally uptight will confirm that. My piano competence is directly proportional to my incompetence in all other areas, on a varying scale day after day.
This is called neurodivergence, they call it autism spectrum, they say that bipolar affective disorder and ADHD and dyslexia are all on the spectrum, okay well what-have-you. My friend Cody has the same condition as I do, though it manifests in a different way, and he managed to manage his piano job all right but I am a horse of a different color. I have learned my lesson and while I am thankful for the pastor and congregation of the church where I tried to get a piano job, I cannot return to a situation that so often has not worked out, and that did not work out this time either.
I am a spiritual person, and I am a good musician, but that doesn’t make me a good church musician. I have learned this now, and I am humbled.
Back to the morning “rage events,” as soon as I described the experience, the doctor IMMEDIATELY said to take the levothyroxine at a different time and to PLEASE jump-start my day with strong coffee and breakfast as I did prior to 2008 when all this morning torture first began.
So basically it’s the difference between starting off the day zippiidy-doo-dah in a GOOD MOOD or starting off the day in a state of neuro-catastrophe. I would think that would be a no-brainer but every other doctor has insisted that levo can only be taken in the morning, and I didn’t fight it, because I just don’t like doctors, and usually burn out on going to see them after a few brief disagreements.
Doctors throughout my life have been these guys who have wrecked up my otherwise excellent physical health and fitness with a bunch of pills I’ve not been able to say NO to. That I lost everything I had in 2004 because of all those pills and landed on the streets where my untreated ADHD combined with socio-economic factors made it darn near impossible to get OFF the streets is a memory I have obviously not forgotten.
So the good news is I got my morning cup of coffee back. The doctor says that if taking the levo at a different time does not solve the rage problem — like for example if it just gets moved to a different time of day — then we know that the levo has nothing to do with it.
All I know is having a nice strong cup of coffee in the morning over breakfast and the D-News will probably go a long way toward solving the problem.
So, once again, I got my cup of coffee back. I’m glad.
P.S. I did not succeed in remaining brief. Thanks for bearing with me.