(1) In trying to make close male friends since I’ve been up here in Idaho, I have noticed that — while I don’t seem to be making close male friends — I do seem to be meeting some very interesting men with unique ideas. These guys are also very accepting of me and my own sometimes unusual ideas. They may not be particularly interested in sharing personal matters with me, but that’s fine. I’m getting tired of sharing my personal matters with people anyway. That is to say, the subject is getting old and boring. Grateful for all the interesting and unique people whom I’ve met up here in Idaho.
(2) Another thing about life up here that’s different and better than how things were before is this. I’m not thought of as a person who does not have something to offer. It’s hard to describe what a wonderful feeling this is, when I had gotten so used to being thought of as someone who was worthless — who not only had nothing to offer to society, but who would leech off of society and steal from society at the slightest opportunity. But after over five years of living here, that memory — of it being assumed that I was worthless –– is beginning to fade.
(3) I notice I’m not nearly as uptight this morning as I’ve been for quite some time. Probably this is due in part to a sense of accomplishment and of letting go of “ownership” of the scratch track that I finally sent out to everybody involved in the Oracle Project yesterday, with or without disclaimers. I also don’t mind if you listen to it (otherwise I wouldn’t have linked to it) but don’t expect super-musicality. It’s just a device to keep all the singers and musicians on beat until we replace it with something else. (But it does illustrate the entire Oracle Sequence from start to finish.) Anyway, feeling less uptight, and like I have more personal space to enjoy life, aside from my various deadlines and commitments.
(4) One more thing about the scratch track. Although the software can barely replicate real rock sounds from my score, and although the rock effect in “The Word from Beyond (Reprise)” is particularly dismal, the representation of the main Oracle Theme (first appears at 5:00, then is developed from 6:15 to 8:15) is unusually accurate. There is even a sense of it being emotionally moving in places — and this is very encouraging to me.
(5) Time for a cup of coffee. My ex-wife always said it made me “stop babbling.” Grateful to have a nice Black and Decker coffee maker and a nice kitchen in which to make a nice cup of coffee every morning. Grateful that I no longer have to wait down a stairway outside an old church building having orders barked at me by an angry security guard before being permitted up the stairway into a long line with a bunch of other caffeine-deprived homeless people before finally being dished out my morning cup of coffee by the same angry security guard. I will say that the angry security guard sure knew how to make a good cup of coffee — otherwise why would I have been waiting in that line? I mean, really? (Think about it.)
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2 thoughts on “Gratitude List 1816”
Making friends in adulthood is not easy, and to make close friends is even harder. It is good that you’re meeting new, interesting people.
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This is one reason I tend to value old friendships. If it’s been working for thirty years, despite distance & passage of time, etc., it’s probably going to keep working. Also, letting go of a “need” to find friends is helpful because it frees me of a sense of “agenda” and enables me to enjoy the relationships more.