Q. Where would you like to be?
A. In a place of greater integrity.
Q. Is something compromising your integrity?
A. Yes. But I must say, the sense of compromise is much less pronounced than it was a week ago.
Q. What happened a week ago?
A. I began sequencing the tracks for Scene Two.
Q. And this distanced you from the sense of compromise?
A. It reminded me of the strength of my integrity. For one week, I did nothing but sequence these tracks. As I sequenced them, I thought not of pleasing anyone in particular, but only of doing it right–according to my integrity.
Q. Would someone want you to have done it wrong?
A. It would seem so, yes.
Q. How so?
A. Like many other numbers in this show, the main number in Scene Two–The Age of Nevermore–suggests it be presented in a large hall. One imagines rock instruments and a live band, pumping out the sounds. But as far as I know, only one theatre company, having a very small house, has stated an interest in producing the show.
Q. Too small to include a rock band?
A. Much too small. In fact, too small to include any band at all, even the smallest ensemble. This is why the pre-recorded performance tracks are so useful.
Q. They don’t take up as much space as a band?
A. They take up about as much space as a link to a url on a desktop.
Q. Then so what if it sounds all rocked out? You can just adjust the volume to suit the small house, can’t you?
A. I suppose so.
Q. Then why not go for it?
A. It just feels like compromise.
Q. Aren’t you being a bit fussy?
Q. Why kick a gift horse in the mouth?
A. Okay – it’s not going to be the perfect production, if it even happens at all. But there’s another sense in which someone doesn’t want me to do this thing right. That’s the sense in which they don’t want me to do it at all.
Q. What do you mean?
A. I made noise about a manic episode. A doctor diagnosed me Bipolar and put me on Lithium. I’m supposed to be taking care of my health, not slaving away over musical tracks.
Q. Can’t you do both?
A. That’s what I’m trying to do. And that’s why I feel a relative increase in integrity. I did finish the tracks–at least good enough for this stage. A number of those sounds will eventually be replaced by live instruments. And some will be removed, in accompaniment of singing. I did remove a lot though already, and–
Q. Wait, wait–you mean that within the past week, you suddenly took off and did what you thought you should do, despite what you think they think you should do?
Q. Isn’t that huge?
A. Sure it is. But it’s also connected to another factor.
Q. What’s that?
A. In the past week, I’ve stopped taking my Lithium.
A. It was creating a highly uncomfortable and inconvenient urinary challenge. A few days after I stopped, my plumbing returned to normal.
Q. What about your head?
A. What about it?
Q. Isn’t the whole point of the Lithium to take care of your head?
A. I suppose so. But when I was taking care of my head, was I writing any music?
Q. I don’t know, were you?
A. No. I had no creativity. No drive.
Q. And now you do?
Q. But if you don’t take the med, how can you get your job back?
A. I don’t know. I just have to be honest with them. If I don’t get it back, I don’t get it back.
Q. And you’re okay with that?
A. Well–I’m not okay with compromising my excellent physical health and fitness for the sake of taking a head drug that might help my stability and definitely decreases my creativity. For me, that’s compromising my integrity. Both my integrity and my health are more important than the job.
Q. But are they more important than your getting your musical produced?
A. That, my friend, is an excellent question.
The Questioner is silent.
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