Gratitude List 1315

This one’s from Sunday morning.  

1. Slept from 630-930 and then from about 11-5.  Rested and energetic.

2. Beautiful weather on the walk to and from the store — this would be a perfect morning to start running again.

3. Thoughts in my morning reflections today have been distinctly more constructive than usual.  Prayers seemed newer, and more to the immediate point.

4. Felt much gratitude last night when, having neglected to eat during the day since the 4am burrito, I found that I still had 5 cents in my account after I bought two Top Ramens at the Sunset Market.   Later I was even more richly rewarded when I found forgotten salami in the fridge as well as some spaghetti in the cupboard.

Perspective-2

5.
 Found the above image and had a hunch it would make a good desktop background.   Yes it does, if you can picture it, my icons all being arranged in the upper left, with the telescope searching in that direction.  But even more so, I get a sudden sense of peace every time I clear my browser windows.    I clear all the windows periodically at moments when the computer stress has reached an uneasy peak, and it’s nice to see it all be replaced by a spiritual image that has  such a nice contemplative feel to it.   It has the overall effect of easing my computer-related nervous tension.

6. Overcame a morning mood yesterday that was bitterly despairing, and realized in so doing how much of it was computer-connected.  Once I left the device, I smelled the roses.

7. Had a nice time visiting with Patty and her son Jesse, who have an apartment up the hill to the West of here, more like a house, rented from my same landlord, but in a much more secluded, forested area.  If I were to get a place in that area, it would have a real appeal in terms of separation, and the walk would still be good into town and campus.

8. Should be able to make it to Bible Project at 9:30 and still get to Jodie’s church by 10:45 to play piano at 11.

9. Just now ran/walked 2 miles, first run in a few weeks.

10. God is Good.

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Gratitude List 1310

This one’s from last Thursday morning, Halloween in fact.  

1. Slept five surprisingly solid hours between midnight and 5 am, was surprised it was already 5 when I first woke.

2. Took a long hot shower before bed. It still blows my mind how I’m able to do that now, without having to interact with multiple other men, many of whom have been suspicious characters. I still remember my friend George getting his Ibanez custom ripped off during the 5 minutes he was taking a shower at Multi Agency Service Center. Thankful those days are gone.

3. Meditation service was nice. It was gentle. Thomas mentioned liking the Prelude. I didn’t think I was playing very well, but sometimes that’s the best.

4. Did the door last night and got a $20 gift card to use at the cafe. Just used $5.50 of it on a doppio and blueberry muffin. Breakfast at the Courtyard is now obviated, and money saved.

5. The singer-songwriter, Julien Kozak, was also gentle. Very good guitarist and singer, reminiscent of James Taylor. Stopped on his way to Seattle. I am reminded of a gentle period in the 80’s when I used to tour different cafes in the Bay Area. Makes me want to do a tour.

6. You know, I have a really good church now. I’ve been at the same church for over 3 years. This is unusual, in my experience.  My church is a gift from God.

7. Got to talk with Danielle first thing in the morning, and we had a great conversation. There were so many spiritual insights, I was taking notes, and just finished writing down a whole bunch of stuff in my journal, lest I forget.

8. Not having heard from her for a while, I just got a substantial email from Lynne that looks very supportive and insightful. I skimmed it by reading the topic sentences of several paragraphs and am eager to see what all she has to say.

9. Had a nice conversation with Vern yesterday — not Vern the bus driver, but Vern the trumpet player. I’m grateful to be living in a town where everybody knows me as Andy, and where, whether it’s Vern the bus driver, Vern the trumpet player, or anybody else, Andy is ALL RIGHT.

10. God is Love.

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Inequity (Part Three)

There are many strange disparities that entail between the worlds of those who live outdoors and those who do not.   Few, however, cause as much difficulty as the naked fact that people who live outside have no privacy whatsoever.

In fact, the relationship between privacy and freedom is something I hadn’t really examined prior to having lived outdoors.   When I first decided to join an intentional homeless community in Berkeley, a large part of what I was after was freedom.  You see, I was writing a lot of music at the time, and I just felt that in the living situations I was able to afford, I never had enough privacy to be able to focus on it.   What that meant for me was that I was not free.  

I wanted so desperately to be free!  I wanted to be where the musical ideas would flow in an uninterrupted fashion — not in an environment where I was frequently interrupted by roommates or landlords, or by their friends, lovers, and children.  Somehow, the outdoor venues of the San Francisco East Bay provided that freedom for a good year and a half or so, between around April 2011 and October 2012.   I wrote a lot of music then, and I remember how blissful it felt to plug my laptop into an outdoor power outlet on the U.C.Berkeley campus and enjoy an uninterrupted creative flow in the open air.

Of course, that happiness was short-lived.  After a while it became known to the local thieves that I was a scatterbrained O.G. with a laptop – and therefore an easy mark.   I may have had freedom for a while, but I certainly was deluding myself if that freedom could be any substitute for the kind that is found in privacy.  

If those of us who were homeless began to bicker and squabble amongst each other, that bickering and squabbling was made known to whoever was within earshot.   We couldn’t even enjoy a mild debate or political discussion without it becoming privy to whoever happened to pass by.   And if we had to use the bathroom?   Good luck.  

I remember more than once spending over two hours looking for an open bathroom when I had to go No.2.   Finally, I would take matters into my own hands.  But what else could one do?   One does what one must  — of course.   But then, when homeless people are in search of privacy, and perhaps even locating a semblance of same, how do those homeless people appear in the eyes of ubiquitous observers?

“They appear as though they have something to hide.   And who has something to hide?   A criminal!  We better investigate!”

So we would find ourselves, even as we sought out privacy as quietly as possible, being pursued in that very search — by those who suspected us of subterfuge.  The more we sought after privacy, the less private our lives became.   

The fact that homeless people are often in search of privacy in order to conduct normal, routine business that is ordinarily conducted behind closed doors feeds into the criminalization of the homeless.   That there are criminals among the homeless is no secret.  Often criminals duck behind stairwells and into back alleys in order to conduct criminal business.   And they certainly look suspicious when they do.  But what if a couple of non-criminal homeless people need to have a private conversation?   Where do they go?

Chances are, they will go behind that same stairwell, and into that same back alley, where criminals are found engaging in illicit transactions.   Why?   Because there is nowhere else to go.   And any time a homeless person seeks privacy — whether their motives are benign, malicious, or neither — it makes them appear to be criminals with evil intent.  

If I have a personal habit today that one might frown upon — and God knows whether  I do — at least I know that I can go behind closed doors to engage that private practice without concern for onlookers.   When I was homeless, I had no such luxury.   Any peccadillo of mine was made public information, visible to an entire city.   Can you imagine the effect such a phenomenon would have on one’s sense of self, especially when perpetuated over months and years?

It wasn’t until long after I had gotten inside that I began to make sense out of it all.   The bare truth was that the very things I did outdoors that aroused disdain under public scrutiny are those which my observers themselves did, behind closed doors, unabashedly.  If that is not an inequity, I do not know what is.   

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Tuesday Tuneup 59

Q. What are you doing here?

A. Killing time.

Q. Have you ever really stopped to think about that expression?

A. What expression?

Q. Killing time?

A. No, not really.

Q. Well, think about it!  How can time be killed?

A. But — it’s only an expression.

Q. Why do you not answer my question directly?

A. All right, all right.  Literally speaking, I have no idea how time can be killed.

Q. Then what makes you think you can kill it?

A. That would seem rather presumptuous of me.

Q. So!  What are you really doing here?

A. Waiting.

Q. Waiting for what?

A. For it to be 11:24.

Q. What time is it now?

A. 11:05.

Q. What happens at 11:24?

A. The bus comes.

Q. Are you sitting at the bus stop right now?

A. No, I’m sitting in the Courtyard Cafe with my computer.

Q. How long will it take you to get from the Courtyard Cafe to the bus stop?

A. About two minutes.

Q. Then shouldn’t you have said you were waiting for it to be 11:22?   Won’t you miss the bus if you wait all the way till 11:24?

A. All right, then.   I’m waiting for it to become 11:22.

Q. What time is it now?

A. 11:08.

Q. So for how many more minutes will you need to keep this up?

A. For 14 minutes, sir.

Q. Why did you call me “sir?”

A. I don’t know.  It seemed — courteous.

the GADFLY - Music Venues - 117 Elm St, La Grande, OR ...Q. But what makes you think I’m a man?   Couldn’t I be a woman?   Why didn’t you call me “madam” instead?   Why did you assume I am a man?

A. I don’t know — uh maybe some kind of unconscious sexism of some sort?

Q. Sexism?   Don’t you believe in equal rights for women?

A. Equal, uh, er, rights, yes — and equal opportunity — but perhaps not equality in terms of — of —

Q. In terms of what, may I ask?

A. Well, I mean, anybody knows there are innate differences in the way men and women process information . . .

Q. Are you saying that women are less intelligent than men?

A. Don’t put words in my mouth!   I said nothing of the kind!

Q. Well then!   Just what are these innate differences you’re so convinced exist?

A. Um . . . for one thing, it’s well-known that men are more solution-oriented, and that women are — are —

Q. More problem-oriented?!   Is that what you’re suggesting?   That all we do is cause problems??

(Awkward pause.)

A. What time is it?

Q. Aren’t I supposed to be asking you the questions?

A. All right, it’s 11:14 already.

Q. And just how do you propose to spend the next 8 minutes?

A. In total silence, preferably.

Q. How the hell are you going to get that to happen?

A. Probably only if one of us stops talking.

Q. And who might that be?

A. I would hope that you would be the one to stop talking first!

Q. And if I don’t?

The Answerer is silent.

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Gratitude List 1307

1. Slept from about midnight till 7, pretty solidly.

2. I’ve noticed I haven’t been spacing things out lately gathering my stuff up to leave the house.   Also, always remembering to deal first with the power cord, I haven’t been leaving it at home lately, or elsewhere around town.   Grateful for this, and also for that I live in this present town, where absent-mindedness is not generally met with theft, as it was in so many other places where I’ve lived.  

3. Just read all of Proverbs 28.  Noticed I wasn’t resistant to reading first, as is often the case in the morning (when, as yesterday, I just want to start writing right away).   28:1 is one of my favorites and one of the few I have memorized.   I noticed 28:13 as applying to me recently.

4. I wasn’t angry when I awoke this morning, unlike yesterday.   I also had no problem not going to the computer right off the bat, but very methodically packed up all my things.

5. Finished the Vocal Score last night and did touch-ups on the script.   Should be submitted for registration with the Copyright Office by this afternoon.   I feel released of this burden — enough is enough.   Besides, what did Leonardo say?

Davinci Quotes On Art. QuotesGram

6. Very thankful to have finally “abandoned” my Art.

7. The thought that arose me out of bed this morning was that of journalism, and how it’s a bright new field in a bright new life.   Then, when I got to the cafe, I opened my email to a note from Tracy Simmons, who has put up my bio and picture on her news site, right at the top of her list.  (Now all I have to do is write something.)

8. Morning coffee is waking me well.

9. Grateful for my ongoing physical health and fitness, thus far.

10. It’s a beautiful brisk morning in the town where I was born.   God is Good.

 

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Turns Toward Dawn

This was fairly spontaneous.   We decided, more-or-less on the spot, to film this, more-or-less rehearsing. Kelsey Chapman and Brady Ross-Minton on vocals (no mikes) — singing the parts of Taura and Winston (respectively) in their song “Turns Toward Dawn” from EDEN IN BABYLON Copyright © 2019 by Andrew Michael Pope, with Andy at the Baldwin Grand. 

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