Update

I was fairly certain I’d finish the piece I’m arranging by about now, according to the hope I expressed on Tuesday. I’m not done yet, but not for a bad reason.

Just after I made that allusion, the Kids started turning all their parts for our “Ode to the Universe” project. So I got sidetracked over to what is realistically a higher priority, and wound up doing my own piano track and singing track for the Kids as well.

I’d have told you earlier today, but my computer keeps getting wrapped up in all these uploads — trumpet videos and what-not. When it does, I can’t log on. The uploads might also be faster at some other locale, but here I am sheltering.

Anyway, I canceled one of them just to let you know what’s going on. I’ll have a snippet of “Ode to the Universe” and also the piece I was working on, but I can’t tell you when. Probably later tonight or sometime this weekend.

That said, Happy Fourth of July to whom the holiday applies. And to all, stay tuned and stay safe.

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Dives and Lazarus

Somebody sent me this little gem last night.  It’s the old English ballad “Dives and Lazarus,” based on the story of the rich man and the beggar in Luke 16.   The tune is incidentally often heard in 3/4 time as the hornpipe, “Star of the County Down,” and in some hymnals it becomes “Canticle of the Turning.”  The violinist is my multi-talented friend, the late Paul Anders, whom you may have seen on other instruments on this site.  I’m not sure when we did this one, but I recall it was a beautiful night.

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Tuesday Tuneup 73

Q. What’s going on inside?

A. Conviction.

Q. You’ve been convicted of a crime?

A. Not that kind of conviction.

Q. What kind, then?

A. Spiritual conviction.

Q. Can you elaborate?

A. I’m convicted!  Does the word mean nothing to you?

Q. Why should it?

A. Weren’t you around during the 80’s?

Q. What happened during the 80’s?

A. There was a massive movement throughout America, I guess it started in the late 70’s.  35% of Americans began identifying themselves as “born again Christian” — and they were markedly more conservative than the average voter.

Q. What’s this got to do with conviction?

A. It became Christian slang for a person to say there were “convicted” when they believed that the Spirit was impressing upon them some thing that they should or should not do.

Q. Isn’t that more like guilt?

A. Not exactly.  One can feel guilty even if one has done nothing wrong.   There are many sources of guilt, and not all of them are positive.

Q. But conviction is always positive?

A. Yes.

Q. Well then!  What are you convicted about?

A. Gee, I thought you’d never ask.

Q. Are you convicted you’ve been doing something wrong?  Or convicted that you haven’t been doing something right?

A. Both.  But the latter seems more salient, and to the point.

Q. What is that you ought to be doing right?

A. Something that doesn’t come natural to me.  But every sign is pointing that I do it.

Q. But what is it?

A. I hesitate to say.

Q. Why?

A. I’ll sound weird.

Q. Cold feet?

A. Heebie jeebies.

Q. WHAT IS IT??

A. I’m supposed to take on these — um — roles.  In the community here.  One is that of being a mediator.   Another, a mentor.

Q. Mediator?  Mediator over what?

A. I seem to have been selected to smooth relations between two neighboring businesses.

Q. Why you?

A. Because I am involved in both businesses, one on a volunteer basis, and one as a hanger-outer in a coffee shop.

Q. What is the essence of the tension between the two establishments?

A. Culture clash.   You see, the people next door from the coffee house are involved in trying to get their lives back together.   A lot of them  have been on drugs, or on the streets, or otherwise severely traumatized.  Some of them have serious mental health conditions.   The point is, many of them come across in confusing ways that don’t fit the social norms.

Q. But they’re good people, right?

A. Absolutely!  It’s just that the people in the coffee house don’t necessarily know that.

Q. What are the people in the coffee house like?

A. Quiet, studious, and reserved.

Q. And the people from the place next door?

A. Loud, boisterous, and unrefined.  

Q. So you’re supposed to be a go-between?

A. Yes.  I’m supposed to gently tell them not to be too loud around the coffee house, or cuss too much, or refer to themselves and others in derogatory terms.   And I’m supposed to explain and defend them to the baristas who may feel uneasy in their presence.

Q. Well, isn’t this a good thing?

A. Well, yeah.  It’s better than if the owners had decided just to kick them out of the coffeehouse.  But it’s still a strange position for me to be in.  I have no experience in this area.

Q. So how will you go about this?

A. One step at a time.

Q. Will you wear a badge?

A. Not on your life.  

Q. What about the mentoring?

A. That’s a little more down my alley.   You see, this guy died last month.  A dear friend of mine.  Here’s a picture of him:

Paul Anders

Q. Wasn’t he a little young to die?

A. Young like mid-50’s.  Fit, healthy, vibrant.  Paul caught some kind of flu, turned to pneumonia, turned to a staph infection, then sepsis – and he was gone in about ten days.  He was a great musician – and a great guy.  It shocked the entire community, and left a great void.

Q. What’s this got to do with mentoring?

A. Paul was a mentor and a role model for many of the younger musicians in the community.  He played about ten different instruments, freely played music with all, and encouraged all musicians to embrace and develop their full potential.

Q. And you are supposed to do this in his stead?

A. No one can replace Paul.  But I get this sense that I’m supposed to break out of my shell somewhat, and contact some of the musicians, and see if I can be of help in any way.  In fact, there’s these two brothers who play music — they’re both in their early to mid twenties, and one of them is a fantastic bass player.  Their dad actually approached me.  He said point blank that I am the one to fulfill this role.

Q. How does that make you feel?

A. Honored.   And like I said, convicted.

Q. Almost guilty?   Or afraid, maybe?

A. Only because I’ve never done it before.   

Q. Is that really true, Andy?

A. Well — not for a long time.  I used to be a music teacher, and a musical director for musical theatre productions.   I saw that the kids looked up to me, and I enjoyed passing off my knowledge as best I could.

Q. Then what happened?

A. I think you know what happened.  But let’s just say I was no longer in the position where anybody would see me as either a mentor or a mediator.

Q. But now they do?

A. Somehow, yes — however magically.

Q. So what are you going to do about this conviction?

A. I’m gonna just do it.  I called the bass player, and we’re going to jam at my place on Saturday.   Paul’s 26 year old daughter, herself a singer-songwriter, is going to show up later on this morning with her guitar.

Q. Why does this seem strange to you?  I mean, you’re a musician, right?

A. If you want the truth, the reason I feel so convicted is that it’s making me realize what a self-preoccupied egomaniac I have been throughout most of the past fifteen years.  I’ve lived largely in my head, and not in the world of people.  It started when I was — homeless.  The world of people was too painful to face continually.  So I developed my inner creative world to a new peak, in order to block out the pain of the world around me.

But now, in the world around me — at least in my immediate community — there is very little pain.   Yet for over 3 1/2 years, I’ve persisted in living in my head.  This will give me a chance to get out of my head, and do good things for others, for a change.

Q. And how does that make you feel?

A. It makes me feel good.  Today is the first day in forever that my restless spirit has been at peace.    

The Questioner is silent.

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Gratitude List 1403

(1) A heartfelt prayer for God to change my heart in a certain situation was gradually answered as I knelt for the first time at the foot of the nice sofa someone gave me.  I want to say that I am also grateful for the sofa itself, the fresh cold air that seeps through my cracked window, the double blankets, and the sense of home that wraps around me, whilst I sleep.

(2) On the advice of a friend, I took a hot bath last night with Epsom salts.   Grateful that I have my own bathtub these days.  It’s even greater than having my own shower.  Gone are the days when I had to deal with scores of other dudes in public shower facilities.   Thank God for having finally granted me a living space with dignity, where I have had room to grow and to become closer to my whole, true self.

(3) My church.  They let me hang out there, play the piano, chat with the employees, and even take naps in the study sometimes or cook food in the kitchen.  They’e such a non-judgmental, accepting, tolerant bunch of people.

(4) My daughter.  How many dads can claim that their 34-year-old daughter calls them every single day?

(5) This tiny little out-of-the-way village where I live.  Here, people respect Artists and value the Arts.  I got a lot more than I asked for, when I asked God to get me out of all those years of homelessness.  After all, I had only asked for “a lock on the door, a window, and a power outlet.”  He gave me so much more than that.   He gave me an entire community of like-minded people — a city I can call my home.  

(6) Though I still don’t have a lot of the things that would make my life more comfortable, focusing on what I do have always lifts me up.

(7) Though a setback at the beginning of the month has left its mark, I somehow know that if I do the right things, everything will be all right.

(8) Though it is horrible to see people who are quite lovely in real life acting like asses on Facebook, I am thankful for the counterexample.  Now I know how not to behave, and I look forward to treating those with whom I disagree with courtesy and dignity.

(9) Critical voices from the past — Anti-Art voices who think of Music as something to be bought and sold like used cars, rather than an expression of the Divine — are beginning to lower their volume.

(10) God is Love.

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Dangers of Liberation (Part Four)

This is the fourth in a seven-part series I am posting on consecutive Thursdays.  Though the series is only quasi-chronological, I urge you to leaf through the first three first.  

Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) Drawing by Granger

The Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard referred to the moment, not as “an atom of time,” but as an “atom of eternity.”  That’s how the moment of August 8, 2006 felt.  One might say that time stood still at that moment, and I had a glimpse of the eternal bliss we might experience in heaven.

This is one reason why I framed this series as I did.   A chronological order of events would not be as meaningful as a spiritual progression, which in a way defies time.  My first day of homelessness was not August 8, 2006 — it was May 17, 2004.  But the night of May 17, 2004 was a night of fright and awful uncertainty, afraid to make myself prone on a bench at the Burlingame CalTrain station, but sitting up all night, nodding off periodically, and watching for cops all the while.

By contrast, the event of August 8, 2006 was one of momentary ecstasy, but where did that moment lead?  Down the tubes fairly quickly, as I recall.  Its memory, however, did not fade.

That memory was in fact felt in retrospect.  For on March 19, 2004, I took a look at my badly beaten car, its front end crunched like an accordion.   As I discovered the freedom of public transportation, of leaving the driving to those more capable than myself, I was granted a foreshadow of the more complete liberation I would know two years in the future.

The horror that marked my final three years in Berkeley was also foretold.  It wasn’t until June 24, 2013 that I first found myself pistol-whipped, as I watched a pair of young hooligans making off with my laptop.   But on some unknown date back in June of 2004, I had known a much more serious violation, of the kind that in civil society it is not thought proper to discuss.

The complex confluence of incongruous influences that comprised the conditions of homelessness was never considered a drain or an overload, in the way that the Mainstream had been.  The overload of the Mainstream was death to my soul. But all the excesses of stimuli that combined to create the Homeless Adventure were health to my spirit, and marrow to my bones.

“Naked I am!” I shouted.  “I am stripped of all I have ever thought I would be!  I have made myself naked and vulnerable in the face of a fully mercurial and often hostile Universe!”

I saw all my possessions be burned to bits before my eyes, the act of an unfeeling young juggaloe who hadn’t slept in days.   I was hurled to the ground by deluded gangbangers, shouting “I’m going to kill you White Motherf—-r!” — as they hit me again and again with the barrels of their guns, on the head I had bowed before them.

Yet through all these atrocities, I found it in myself to sleep on my back without bedroll in a thunderstorm, exerting pelvic thrusts in the direction of the full moon, and reveling.

“Bring it on!” I screamed.  “I want more!  I want more!!”

Then, getting up, fully clad and with shoes on — (for I always slept in shoes, so as to be ready) — I suddenly shivered.   So what did I do?   Of course, I ran as far as I could, as fast as I could, till I warmed.

When the sun shone, and the daylight burned, I walked about the City of Berkeley and composed music in protest, having not paper nor pen, neither software, nor laptop, no possessions at all, save the clothes on my back.

“Bop bop bop!” came the singing of the melodies.   My weathered trousers were as sets of drums.   Keyboards and electric guitars anointed the air, while passersby mocked and mimicked me, shouting: “Shut the f—k up!”  Meanwhile, seemingly unbeknowst to them, I composed the score to Eden in Babylon— to my proud estimation, the finest music I have written thus far, to date — in the timeless spool of life.

“That’s your whole problem!” my naysayers chided.  “You think that your music is more important than God.”

“Ah but no,” I replied.  “It’s your problem.  You think that your Mainstream is God.”

There was nothing Mainstream about the Uniqueness that was Homelessness in Berkeley.  So for all of the fears, the highs, and the rages, it yet remained sacred — to me.

“How do we get inside again?” my friend Jerome had earlier queried.   “How do we get back inside, and yet not get sucked back into the Mainstream?”

In search of answer, I shouted at the Most High in outrage.

“WHY am I hanging around pimps and hookers and drug dealers and thieves and criminals and hustlers and panhandlers?   WHY am I not among Artists and Writers and Musicians and Actors and Directors — and people more like myself!?  I know — I know — these are the people whom JESUS hung out with!   But I’m NOT JESUS!!! I’m NOT JESUS!!  I’m only f—ing human!!!  Give me a god-d—–d break!!!!”

Many times did I scream to the God of my youth.  Many times someone screamed back at me: “Would you just shut the f—-k up?!”

Then came the terrifying threats of the night.  “This guy,” said a jealous man, pointing my way, “is not going to live much longer.”

“You know what?” I told myself.  “He’s probably right.”

So on June 24, 2016, exactly three years after the first of a series of violent assaults against my person, I went down to Bill’s Computer Store on Shattuck Avenue, bought myself a refurbished Dell laptop with my government check, and walked quietly away from the City of Berkeley without saying a word.

God then proceeded to answer every prayer I had hurled toward Him, facing His Infinite Love with hatred and vitriol.   He answered those prayers sevenfold, nay — seventy times sevenfold — in spades.   And He provided a way for me to live inside without getting sucked back into the evils of the Mainstream.   In so doing, He showed me the hugeness of His unfathomable, unconditional love.  

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Gratitude List 1350

Did this one Saturday morning immediately on awakening.   I’m glad I’ve given up the concept of a “morning ritual.”   Things have been working out a lot better with my new “spontaneous” approach.  (Helps with the holiday blues, too).

1. Really interesting, obviously meaningful, vivid dreams.

2. Slept almost 8 hrs between 10:30 and 6:30, getting up briefly at 4 to take my thyroid medication.  Surprised I slept so well and so long.

3. Made it to the Food Bank and this time they gave me coffee too. Walked two big bags home and nothing broke.

4. Heard from T. three times yesterday, like late at night.  She seemed to want to interact, but I was too brain-dead. Then I dreamed about her all night, and it’s interesting that I’ve gotten to No. 4 (doing this first thing on waking up) and still remember the dreams.

5. I even stopped to make coffee in the meantime, and I still remember the dreams.  Moreover, this time the coffee’s at the right strength — it’s Winko’s Classic Roast — and it tastes so good. Nice to have a coffee maker and good coffee, when it’s so cold outside. Nice to be inside. Nice to be out of the cold.

6. Heard from Jennifer, the God Thru the Arts lady, whom I believe is a music teacher back East. She liked my We Three Kings.   Sorta made my night to hear from her.  

7. I don’t seem to have a big urge or craving to smoke, or any desire to go out of my way to get any.  For me, this is a good thing. I just want the issue to be out of the way so I can stop tripping on it and be more effective in life, without it always tugging at me. And that seems to be happening, though I feel a void.

8. Thankful for those two theology groups, and the way I met them just because they were entering the reserved reading room to the right of the Round Table, and I sort of merrily joined in. The one from St. Mark’s has turned out to be a real blessing. 

9. Read all of 1 Peter and 2 Peter when I came home last night. I should read the Bible more, it has a way of making me humble.

10. Okay, so I’ve been depressed lately because it seems I don’t quite know how to love or be loved.  The things that most people seek after escape me.  They don’t interest me; I don’t understand what they think they’re going to receive from all these situations that almost invariably cause them pain.  The dream was all about that too, combined with me being in a stressed out leadership position and winding up crying on some lady’s shoulder at the end. But you wanna know what? It’s my Karma. Time to Embrace It. My lot in life, my portion – could have been a lot more meaningless.  Let God Be My Judge.  I am grateful for who I am.  

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Resolve

I dug this up the other day, thought I’d lost it.  It’s “Resolve” from my concept album, Abandon.  Thought it was worth sharing, if for no other reason than you get to see me without my beanie on.   (Believe me, that’s a once-in-a-lifetime appearance.)

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A Day in the Life

The holiday threw off my plans to record a new piano piece, but I would like to offer my very dark version of “A Day in the Life,” the famous Beatles tune by John Lennon & Paul McCartney, as recorded using a Samsung Galaxy J-1.  Andy Pope at the Baldwin Grand, January 10, 2018.   Hope you enjoy it.   

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Bad Dream

I get tired of talking about ADHD & Dyslexia, let alone being on a autism spectrum.  Most people just wanna see & hear me hit the keys.  So let’s just say I’m a highly disorganized person, and that the hassle of trying to get these piano tubes together without a sufficient recording device (i.e. a smartphone) has been kinda like a bad dream at times.

On a brighter note, the problem should soon be solved, being as my daughter Angela will be arriving tonight for a two-month visit — complete with iPhone Six.  Henceforth, you can surely expect piano pieces promptly posted properly if not previously.  

Here’s her bold version of “Bad Dream” by one of my favorite, highly underrated artists, the great Chloe Howl. 

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Gratitude List 1244

Happy Labor Day.  Here’s my gratitude list from Saturday morning.   I’ll be posting three music clips and one announcement, all three hours apart, throughout the day.  Hope it all finds you blessed.    

1. Slept solidly for nine hours between 10 & 7, no sleeping pill being needed, and no sleep paralysis.

2. Observing the Sabbath, mostly reading.  Grateful for quietude.

3. Grateful for my apartment, for its “out of the way” location, for my new incentive to keep it tidy, and for my positive relationship with the landlord.

4. Glad I’m not in the awful space I was in two days ago, and grateful for the lesson of just how far into spiritual darkness the “obsession of the mind” can lead me.

5. Grateful for Matt, one of the better sponsors I’ve had.

6. First thing I read this morning was an unusually good “Got Questions” article.   It started the mind off thinking the right way on the Sabbath Day.

7. Grateful for the Day of Rest and for the knowledge that once the sun goes down, I can start working again.

8. Glad I have a computer expert for a sponsor.  Matt helped me to get the CD’s burnt correctly with a new and better CD burner.   Also installed a better free media player.

9. Open Mike was a gentle experience last night.   Grateful for my positive relationship with Dave Harlan.  I played three pieces of “improvised classical” and was able to sell three CD’s.

10. Breakfast at Courtyard in 40 minutes, Farmer’s Market thereafter.  Somebody called this place “The Town Time Forgot.”  God is Love.

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Tuesday Tuneup 55

Q. What are you doin’ here?

A. I’m havin’ a great time, man!

Q. You’re kiddin’ me!  Really?

A. Really!

Q. What’s goin’ on?

A. I’m doin’ the door for a great jazz duo  who just rolled in from San Diego.  Guitar & bass, tight harmonies — what a great gig!

Q. You makin’ any money?

A. A little bit.  Same as I made last night.   Flat twenty dollars for me, all proceeds go to the band.

Q. Who was it last night?

A. Some jazz piano guy.  He did “Round Midnight” and “Pure Imagination” — among other nice charts.

Q. What about tomorrow night?

A. You got me.  I’d have to look it up.

Q. And the night after that?

A. Andy Pope Live.  Check it out:

Image may contain: 1 person

The Questioner is silent.

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Gratitude List 1239

(1) Slept seven hours from 11 to 6, solid rem sleep with vivid dreams.  Grateful for the comfortable couch on which I sleep, and its proximity to my computer and my piano.

(2) The house is so much brighter now that I have a decent male roommate.   Joey used to own and manage a cleaning company, plus he was a line cook and a prep cook.   I gave him the spare room, and we agreed he only has to pay 1/3 the rent, in exchange for keeping the kitchen and the bathroom clean.

(3) Church was great yesterday morning.  “Whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren, you do also to Me.”  I also got to tell them that my prayer was answered, for a housemate who could help around the house.

(4) Inspired by Joey’s tidiness, I organized my whole desk, and things are much easier to find.  For $1 at the dollar store, I got a white wide-ruled legal pad, taped it to the desk to the right of the computer and have four pens sitting right there.  (Now I don’t have to keep looking for paper and pens every time I want to write something down).  There’s still room to work the mouse to the right of the pad.   Starting to make lists — it all seems so easy now — compared to how hard it was just a few short days ago.

(5) Finally got some 175 readers to replace the 250’s that were way too strong, and now I don’t have to keep taking my glasses on and off.   They look nice too, all black and sharp.  That dollar store is a really good deal.

(6) Somebody canceled, and it looks like I’m playing solo this Thursday at the One World Cafe.  Might as well put up flyers — shoot for the moon.

(7) Putting on the finishing touches the worship song I’ve been writing, called “I Want to Worship You.”   I believe I’ve received it.  Also heard back about this from my old Internet buddy, Jeff, a worship leader type in Texas with a great devotional blog.

(8) Joey and I have a lot in common, and I asked if I could interview him for an upcoming Wednesday talk.

(9) When I was cleaning the living room and dining room, I found two Exile covers and three Pinnacle covers, amid all the Interim covers I already knew were there.   So I burned five new CD’s to add to the two Abstraction CD’s remaining in my inventory.  Hoping to sell all seven of them soon.

(10) Just ran two miles, nice new course along Paradise Path.  I am truly blessed in my life these days.  God is Love.

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Lonely Hearts

This one is from my daughter Angela (whom I call “Echo”).  We were talking on the phone this morning when she began to write a song about me.   This afternoon she expanded it into a larger song called “Lonely Hearts” and has now posted it to her youtube.   


 

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Got to Get You into My Life

Another clip from the Beatles show, very early on.  Obviously, I’d not yet grasped that I don’t need to hit those electronic keys quite as hard as the keys on the Baldwin Grand.  (Not that I exactly need to hit the Baldwin keys as hard as I do either.  I just like it like that.)

Dave Harlan is the sound man, the guy who helped put the music stand back on the piano after I hit the keys so hard it fell over onto the floor.  (He also happens to be the director of Eden in Babylon.) Paul Anders on the Cajon, and one can even detect my pastor Norman in the audience, as well as the very kind woman Marilyn who gave me my Howard upright piano for free.   Even covered the piano moving.   Lots of nice people in da hood.

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Gratitude List 1195

1. Slept from 9-2a, and again from about 4-8. Am feeling rested.

2. Nice breakfast, Courtyard Cafe, price has gone up to 3.19 with tax now. Two nice cups of Pikes Peak coffee.

3. Beautiful Idaho summer morning.

4. Doppio, quiet cafe, new table, new friends.

5. Record 98 views on Eden in Babylon yesterday:

6. We got at least three good clips from the show Friday night, although they were all early in the night, and we were just beginning to get warmed up by Eleanor Rigby, which was the end of the first set. Nothing from the second set unfortunately, but still a memento of a beautiful evening, for which to give thanks.

7. My daughter should be up soon and we will probably enjoy a nice conversation.

8. Played at the United Church yesterday. Was able to do the Canticle of the Turning and was blessed; I believe others were blessed as well.   Enjoyed the sermon, too, about the Good Samaritan.  

9. Enjoyed playing at the nursing homes again yesterday afternoon.

10. God is Good.

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Norwegian Wood

The event  of the All Beatles show turns out so far to be a very warm gathering of medium attendance.  The Town Elders are there, a great rare appearance.  Then mostly my homeys whom I can identify among the visible audience members, if you wish.  I believe these videos are coming at me in chronological order, and these first two, Can’t Buy Me Love and Norwegian Wood, definitely took place before things got out of hand.   

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Can’t Buy Me Love

I apologize for the delay.  I’ve been waiting for clips from the All Beatles Show to start pouring into my inbox, which moment appears at long last to be now.   I’ll just post them in the order they come.  Here’s “Can’t Buy Me Love.”

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Interview

Earlier I mentioned having been interviewed on a local radio show.   The full three hour show (with all kinds of music clips), is available on the Radio Free America website on this link.   However, one is fairly well mandated to hear out the entire affair, as there is neither a fast-forward nor a rewind control on the player.

Here below on the other hand is a condensed version I’ve prepared for your listening scrutiny.  This one I’ve managed to trim down to shortly over an hour.  The only music clips are the two songs I did at the Open Mike, where I met Fiddlin’ Big Al, the radio interviewer.  The rest of it is my being interviewed about this & that & the other thing:

TalkAndy Pope Interview
06-29-2019

Of course I put in a plug for the musical.  The only thing that’s a downer is that the stated dates are no longer slated, and so the information as to those slots is out of date.    That’s because we’ve postponed the concert reading, which as I earlier suggested I feel is the right choice.

I also feel that a bigger and better production of this show is in the works, involving members of the same team, as well as some new players.  What’s nice in this town is that the ordinary procedures for producing a show within the Theatre Arts realm or that of the School of Music are adjusted in my favor in the unique case of an original musical.  There is a strong sense that a certain community of a Performing Artists is so enamored with the idea that they won’t allow it not to happen.   And this is a great relief.  It’s not just me anymore.  It’s us.  

But aside from all things thespian, there is a lot of material on the recorded interview that may appeal to you in an entirely different light.   I was able both to tell the story about how I got out of homelessness, and how I became homeless in the first place.  And other worthwhile stories have been shared.  I hope you enjoy them.   

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Superstar

The song “Superstar” popularized by the Carpenters (featuring the beautiful voice of Karen Carpenter) was originally called “Groupie.” Contrary to popular assumption, it was not written by Karen, but by Bonnie Bramlett (of Delaney and Bonnie), and Leon Russell. Leon sang a much less “sanitized” version than that which was made immemorial by Karen Carpenter. 

Superstar is of particular meaning to me as a musician, as sadly I recall my misspent youth, when groupies abounded in the aura of the Eighty-Eight, and I was too naive not to confuse their fascinations for true love.   I hear Beethoven had the same problem when he was a young runt, so I suppose I’m in good company.  Andy Pope at the Baldwin Grand, June 27, 2019.

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Pinnacle

If anyone has use for a CD in this day and age (and I’m almost sure there are those among us who do), my new Pinnacle CD is on sale for $10 on the local market and $15 if I have to mail it to you.

And just in case you don’t happen to have any particular use for a CD in your hyper-modern mode of existence, my music doesn’t cost a whole lot to access in general.  As a matter of fact, here it is.

pinnacle cover

One way or the other, your kind donation is always appreciated.   Here’s to the “Heart of the Arts.”

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Tuesday Tuneup 51

Q.  What’s been bugging you lately?

A.  The Tuesday Tuneups.

Q.  Why?

A.  They’ve lost something.

Q.  How so?

A.  I think it started around about the time it would be a nice “game” to ask my readers to select a question for me, rather than me selecting one that I knew would work.

Q. How would you know?

A. Because I’ve been doing the “tuneups” since 1987, though not online, and not always on Tuesdays.   So I’ve accumulated a compendium of questions that do work.

Q. So are you going to select a new question for next week?

A. No.  I’m going to discontinue them for a while.

Q. Why?

A. Overloaded.   I’ve been dealing with what I call “Mainstream Stress” and it’s affecting my sense of integrity.

Q. Mainstream Stress?

A. The kind of stress one gets only in the Mainstream; that is, when one has multiple commitments, and has to show up at many specific places at specific times, prepared to conduct oneself according to an expected fashion.

Q. Are you trying to say you’ve been working too hard?

A. Something like that.  But I’ve always worked very hard.  I just haven’t done it to deadlines, or under pressure, in recent years.

Q. Why not?

A. Because I don’t believe that deadlines and pressures are good for the human spirit.  I also believe that my not having operated according to these Mainstream values is what has kept me generally happy and healthy over the years.

Q. And you are not happy and healthy now?

A. Still healthy, though at risk.

Q. And happy?

A. That depends upon what is meant by happiness.

Q. Why are you evading the question?

A. Scripture equates happiness with God’s blessings.  I have definitely been in receipt of God’s blessings.

Q. Then why aren’t you happy?

A. Because, apparently, I have been seeking happiness from a source other than God.

Q. What source is that?

A. Art.

Q. You have a friend named Art?

A. Um, no — I do know one guy named Art, but he’s only a casual acquaintance.   I’m talking about Art — as in Music.  Writing.  Singing.  All the things I have turned to in order to give beauty to an ugly situation.

Art


Q. What situation?

A. I can’t answer that.  I am sorry.  It’s too deep and too personal.

Q. May I then therefore be excused?

A. Not just yet.  Let’s decide when the Tuneups will recur.

Q. When would you like them to recur?

A. October 1, 2019.

Q. Deal?

A. Deal.

Angel and demon deal Vector Image #131294 – RFclipart

 

The Questioner is silent. 

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Gratitude List 1152

(1) Managed to get three hours of sleep last night, with dreams even, following one of those long dark nights of the soul.  Slept from about 5 till 8 in the morning.  Glad I got some rest, and glad I can take it easy today.

(2) My daughter is doing so well now.  I and her other friends received her first Gratitude List yesterday — and she thanked me for the idea.  She really has a lot to be thankful for these days, and she knows it.

(3) Latah Recovery Center.  We are here for us when we need us.  It’s like no other place in town.

(4) This town, by the way, is like no other place on Earth.

(5) It’s a beautiful Spring day in the city of my birth.

(6) I can’t help but have noticed that the director of my show sees eye to eye to me.  We are getting along well, and communicating really well, too.  I am also very impressed with the female lead, and others on board, as well.

(7) I have a bicycle now.  It’s fun, and it greatly decreases the amount of time it takes to get from A to B.

(8) The unique events of the past have indeed informed the consciousness of the present, and insights as to this phenomenon have been very useful.  At the same time, I become more grateful when I ponder what kind of future might stem from the present, than I do when I ponder how the present has stemmed from the past.

(9) This is the first time in about as long as I can remember when the musicians in my life have wanted to play my music, and the singers in my life have wanted to sing it — and they’re not even in it for the money.   They actually like the music.   When I really stop to think about how cool this is, the sense of blessing is almost impossible to describe.

(10) I have a lot of problems in my life right now.  But when I think of the blessings, I am renewed in hope.  His blessings are new every morning.  Great is His faithfulness.

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Disturbances

I’ve been a bit under the weather lately, with laryngitis keeping me from speaking or singing.  I canceled everything yesterday, though showed for a single rehearsal this morning before calling it a day early.  Whilst inside, I have wanted to let you know how this Howard upright piano, almost a hundred years of age, sounds in my living room.  Here’s a little something I spun out yesterday afternoon, spontaneously as it were.  The old guard has dignity.  

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Gratitude List 1133

This one’s from about 6:20 in the evening last night (Sunday).

1. Wiped out from only 3 1/2 hrs sleep and sleep paralysis Friday night, I crashed out at around 5pm and woke up at 1am, a good 8 hours sleep. Was still wiped out & depressed, bt slept from 4 till 7am, and the extra three hours slept off the depression.  

2. Going to church seemed a no-brainer after that, whereas earlier I was reluctant.

3. Can’t help but notice I’m focusing much better on the Confession and the Sermon than earlier, before the meds.

4. The words in the Confession spoke to my heart.

5. I also really enjoyed Julie’s Bible Project, and gained from it. (My only gripe there is something in my own personality. I know what I’m doing wrong, because a previous employer cued me in on it. But I still do it. Well, at least I’m aware of it, and will have
the opportunity to try and stop it next time.)

6. Finally got a decent draft of the newsletter and succeeded in sending it out to everybody. Copied it to Darrell, Shaun, Melissa, Norman, Kathy and Bruce, just so they’ll see what’s in it. It’s a little long, but seems fairly decent compared to previous drafts, in terms of being relaxed and not overly arrogant or self-promotional.

7. A talented musician by the name of Leslie reblogged my post of me and Paul playing my “I Am the Blues” number, and now all his fans are groovin on it. Texted the link to Paul and Jens, the blues guitarist-harmonicizer.

8. Although after one week of incubation, nothing on the Elegy emerged fruitful,
after only one more week, it’s amazing how much has illuminated. I’m on Measure
29 now, successfully correcting the wonky errors in the four-part harmony, and it’s
coming out whole. I betcha I can get all the way to the end, ere long.

9. Once again, the Round Table has proved the ideal site for musical composition
and arrangements.

10. God is in control.

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Gratitude List 1103

My gratitude list from Friday morning.   

1. Slept from about 7:30pm till 2am, about 6 1/2 hours.

2. I’m much better at hydrating than I used to be.  This one Smart water bottle that I keep refilling has become associated with wolfing it down and also leaving it in the same spot all the time, where I can find it.  I took my synthroid with a full glass of water easily this morning, once again.

3. Interesting chat with the guy on the graveyard shift.  He kept referring to everything in terms of “night” even though to me it was “morning.”  Guess they had a wild night over there, but I left thinking it’s kinda nice that I would even be considered acceptable to chit-chat with and share some laughs in that context, as opposed to the earlier, more prevalent experience of walking into a Mom & Pop on somebody’s graveyard shift and being eyed with suspicion.

4. Really good “Hi-Rev” coffee.

5. I had a good feeling about my daughter when I got off the phone with her on Wednesday.

6. People are hitting my “Interim” post.  I’m creating an Abstractions playlist on SoundCloud this morning, I can link to it and to the Exile playlist where those titles appear in the pitch.  That will enhance the ad – they’ll be able to hear samples of my piano, with one click.   Also had not been expecting $140 in Interim sales already.  So this has been a great project.

7. Really good talk with Danielle yesterday morning, catalyzing corresponding thoughts throughout the day.

8. Not sure if I mentioned, I finished Firefly Magic.  I’m jotting down notes for questions / issues to raise with author Lauren Sapala in a scheduled Hangouts video call.  This is a nice opportunity.

9. I’m thinking I can probably create a decent piano piece at the church this morning, which will also strengthen my trip.  I felt too out of practice yesterday, but today I might be loosened up.  Thankful for the church, and the opportunity to keep practicing on the Baldwin grand.*

10. Thankful for side projects while still largely stalled on my big project.  Also thankful for many minorly positive connections while out of touch with majorly positive connections.  There’s a new lilt in my stride, and a sense of upbeat, forward mobility.  God is Good.

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Interim

My new piano album Interim is now available on CD, including the following songs:

1. “Awake the Dawn” – Andy Pope

2. “Billy’s Blues” – Laura Nyro

3. “Cities” – Andy Pope

4. “Hey Jude” – John Lennon & Paul McCartney

5. “Shades of Happiness” – Andy Pope improv referencing “Happiness” by Clark Gesner

6. “Somebody Loves Me” – George Gershwin

7. “Sounds of Silence” – Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel

8. “You’re a Holiday” – Robin & Barry Gibbs

9. “Fumblin’ with the Blues” – Tom Waits, involving “They’ll Know We Are Christians by Our Love” by Peter Schoates

10. “A Day in the Life” – John Lennon & Paul McCartney

Hymn Sing | St Andrew's Presbyterian Church

If you’re reading this and you’re local, the deal is that you get an Interim CD for ten bucks and I’ll throw in and Exile or Abstractions CD for five extra bucks.   If you’re reading from online or elsewhere, make that $15 and $20 rather than $10 and $15.   You can just hit here to pay me for it, and I’ll mail them to wherever you are.  

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Somebody Loves Me

I was in a bit of a hurry the other day, so I did a quick take on this Gershwin standard, on the fly.   Don’t be surprised if you find a “Take Two” posted a little further down the road.  Something tells me I could have given you a wee bit more than 2 1/2 minutes of this kinda stride . . .

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Tuesday Tuneup 36

Q. Where would you like to be?

A. In a place of greater resolve.

Q. Resolve?

A. Yes, resolve.  That is to say, resolution.

Q. What is it that needs to be resolved?

A. A dissonant progression.

Q. And how can this dissonant progression be resolved?

A. With a consonant cadence, obviously.

Q. Are you not speaking in strictly musical terms?

A. Not strictly. I use the musical analogy of a resolving cadence as a metaphor to the dissonance that needs to be resolved in my life.

Q. What do you find to be most dissonant?

A. There is discord between the nature of my relationships with those whom I know today in this town, and the nature of my relationships with long-term friends and family in the place where I used to live.

Q. How does that discord sound?

A. Ugly.  

Q. Do you feel you have the power to resolve it?

A. Yes and no.   I have creative power, as the composer of my life, to resolve any discord I wish to resolve.  That’s the “yes” part.

Q. And the “no” part?

A. I just haven’t found the right chord yet.  I don’t believe I can find it on my own.  It has to be given to me.  In a flash.   Once I find it, I will resolve the discord.  In so resolving the discord, I will complete this first movement to the Symphony of My Life.  And then, on to the Second Movement.

Q. How would you describe the feeling of the first movement?

A. Tumultuoso.

Q. And the second?

A. Grazioso.

Q. So all you need is a single concluding chord?

A. Yes.

Q. How best can you find that chord?

A. By subjecting the dissonance to proper theoretical analysis.

Q. You can do that, can’t you?

A. I can.

Q. Did you not receive very good grades in Music Theory and Composition at the Conservatory?

A. I did.

Q. Well then — what is the proper analysis of the dissonance?

A. It can best be symbolized as 20th Century Harmony morphing into a tension of atonality.

Q. What do you mean by atonality?

A. It lacks a tonal center.  In other words, I don’t know what key I’m in.  I only know that I’m in a different key than my old friends and family.  In fact, they all seem to be singing in the same key.  It’s an old key in my experience.  A minor key, associated with much sadness and despair.

Q. And you wish to resolve the piece in a major key?

A. Yes.  That would end the tumult, and usher in the 21st Century Harmony of Grace.

Q. So how do you get from the chaotic cacaphony of debilitating dissonance to the conclusive cadence of harmonious grace?

A. By reducing the power of the minor key in which my old friends and family members so sadly sing.

Q. You mean — you need to turn down their volume?

A. Now you’re getting it.

Q. But how can you have any power over the volume of their sadness?  Can’t you only turn down the volume of your dissonance?

A. By George, I think you’ve got it!  

Q. How so?

A. That’s the key!  I need to turn down my own volume.  They will then therefore turn down theirs.   

Q. Will you then find resolution to the dissonance?

A. Indeed I will.  For the dissonance will resolve into a major chord of unsurpassed, unprecedented power and joy.

Q. So your major chord will be stronger than their minor chord?

A. Ha!  They don’t stand a chance.

Q. And when will you go about turning down this great volume of yours?

A. Hmmm…. good question!  Off the top, I’d say, midnight of January 1st sounds about right.

Q. And how far down will you turn your volume?

A. All the way down.  

old newQ. Is this your New Year’s Resolution?

A. It is indeed.  Tired of having to prove myself to those guys.  They never let me know how they’re doing.  All they ever do is give me advice on how I ought to be doing.  And their advice no longer pertains to my reality.

Q. Why is that?

A. Because they’re still in the Old Story.  They just don’t know it yet.

Q. Why don’t they know it?

A. Because every time I contact them, I only engage the Age-Old Story.  

Q. Is this why they never hear the New Story?

A. Precisely.  No matter how loud I shout it, it is impossible for them to hear it.

Q. Why is that?

A. Because shouting at them is all part of the Old Story.

Q. And in the New Story?

A. I shout to the heavens.  I shout: “Hallelujah!”  Out with the Old – and in with the New.  The New Story has at last begun.

The Questioner is silent.

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Beyond Neurosis

Beyond neurosis, there lies reality.

It wasn’t neurosis that made me come up with the ten disclaimers, essentially telling my followers they shouldn’t even bother listening to the song, and then posting the song the next morning anyway.

I wasn’t being bipolar when I was one way one day and one way the next. For beyond neurosis, beyond bipolarity, there lies this thing called reality.

And reality can sometimes be the last thing the Artist wants to face. In fact, maybe the fact that the Artist doesn’t like to face reality is the reason why the Artist became an Artist in the first place.

Maybe, at some long-forgotten age old time of childhood, a little boy learned something about reality that he just couldn’t handle.

Maybe his childhood was so idyllic, and he loved his parents so much, that he couldn’t handle finding out that there was this thing called “death” that would take away his father one day, and take away his mother, and eventually take away his own self.

Maybe that was so painful that for two whole years he looked around at all the people doing normal things, and thought painful thoughts of despair. “Why is that guy washing his car?” the child would ask himself. “Doesn’t he know he could die tomorrow? And what would a clean car be to him then?”

Maybe the child turned from about five to about seven, and suddenly realized he kinda knew how to do things like play Old MacDonald and Mary Had a Little Lamb on a piano, and write little children’s songs, and draw pretty pictures with colored pencils, and write little fairy tales and nursery rhymes, and sing silly songs long into the night, while pretending his fingernails were ice skates, his fingers the skaters, and the sheets of his bed the skating rink, where round and round the skaters would skate, and skate themselves out of their pain.

Maybe he figured that God’s creation was just too painful to face. So he created his own creations, and found pleasure in what he decided to create – a pleasure that cancelled out for a season, the pain of the creation that was God’s.

Whatever the case, it was not neurosis that issued the disclaimers, nor was it bipolar of me to be one guy one day, and another fellow the next. For on the third day, he rose, and he realized reality.

The reality he did not want to face.

The reality is that the song straight-up, flat-out sucks. And he knew it from the start. He wanted to be cute. He wanted to entertain. He wanted to fool people into thinking that he didn’t know the song would turn out as badly as the song in fact turned out. So he went for high drama, like the Actor that he can be, and played his show of neurosis to the hilt.

The truth is, he was never neurotic. The truth is that he knew all along the reality that he did not feel he could face. The reality is what it is.

The song sucks — and that’s reality.

But maybe the song needed to suck, because the Artist needed to face the music, and learn a needed lesson. Maybe the lesson he needed to learn is the reality all Artists must one day face.

For the creation of the Artist is by no means superior to the creation of the Reality.  And that creation is not of the Artist.  The creation of Reality belongs to God.

Image result for creation of God the Artist

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Free “Exile” Playlist

I’ve been under the weather this week and have not practiced my piano piece at all.  I told people I would actually be singing tomorrow — but my voice is not in very good shape.  Still, I’m going to venture forth toward the church in a bit, where that nice Baldwin grand piano is, along with all the very nice people who don’t mind me playing on it from time to time.

So, I might pull through.  I just want to leave it up in the air.  In the meanwhile, anyone who wants my Exile album, or at least wants to listen to it to check it out, but who doesn’t want to shell out fifteen bucks for it, here it is online:

Also, in isolation this week, I have been pondering my life’s direction.  I’ve felt as though I’ve been in something of a lull ever since I finished the script and demo to my musical I’ve been working here and there, on my various projects as well as on the necessities of living.  But my heart, by and large, has not been in what I’m about.

I think this is because I am being cosmically nudged to get cracking on the Eden in Babylon vocal score. I finished the first five numbers a while back, but got sidetracked when I encountered a few setbacks earlier on.   I’ve dealt with the setbacks sufficiently that there’s no real remaining excuse for slacking.

So I’m going to prioritize scoring all the singing parts for Eden in Babylon, and it’s going to have to take priority over this blog.  I found earlier that I was spending too much time blogging, and not getting the vocal score done.  Life does present itself occasionally, and it will interfere with my creative flow.  But in the meantime, there’s no valid reason for not pressing onward with the goal.

So – I’ll try to have something posted tomorrow.  No promises, but you might as well check back in a day or so, and see if anything looks different.  After that, if you don’t hear from me a while, take it to be good news.  Only so many hours in the day, and occasionally one has to get on the ball.  

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Billy’s Blues

Earlier I wrote that I’d be posting a piano piece, and here it is.  It’s “Billy’s Blues” by Laura Nyro, an early influence of mine.  You might note that it becomes a bit ‘chaotic’ towards the middle there.  I kinda like it like that.

I’ll be at the piano bench again next Friday, this time doing my original “Bubbles Taboo” with singing. Yes, it has words. I think you’re gonna like them — so stay tuned.

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The Host Awaits

This piece, “The Host Awaits,” is from the musical I wrote between the years 2004 and 2008, entitled The Burden of Eden.  It is also known in certain circles as “Apologies to Peter Pan.”  You might note the Jule Styne references toward the end, if you’re hip.

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Anything Helps – God Bless!