Oh well — I’ve dragged the ‘game’ out for long enough now to only make it boring if I don’t just up-and-choose a ‘winner.’ And the winner is Lynne Fisher, for the simple reason that her question arouses or incites the most interesting possibilities — that is, for me personally, since after all, I *am* the Answerer.
So thank you to everybody who participated, which I believe is five of you, if I counted right. You certainly have raised some very interesting questions! And now, without further ado, I will do my best to answer the chosen one.
Q. What’s really bugging you this morning?
A. I have a die-hard internal conflict that needs to be resolved.
Q. What conflict is that?
A. It’s hard to describe.
Q. How do you know?
A. I already tried. I called my best friend and tried it to describe it to her. And not even she, in her ultra-high intelligence and exceedingly advanced listening skills, was able to understand it.
Q. Wow — maybe, try again?
A. Okay here goes.
The Answerer takes a breath.
A. For a guy who feels called to convey an important theme for humanity – you know, as an Artist, as a spiritual human being, as a Man — I sure have a lot of lousy inner thoughts that seem to be — well, they’re below me.
Q. What kinds of thoughts?
A. Thoughts of randomly calling people who have disrespected me, and leaving nasty messages on their voicemails – like say, during the middle of the night, when I know they won’t answer, but will pick up the messages when they get to work in the morning.Th
Q. Do you . . . ever actually make any of these “random” phone calls?
A. No I do not.
Q. Then why do you still think of doing so?
A. That’s a good question.
Q. Well – thank you – but – why would you want to do something like that? What purpose would it serve?
A. It would jar them. It would jolt them out of their inane complacency. It would shake them up, and get them to realize that they can’t quite get rid of me as easily as they thought they could! It would let them know that I’m still there with them — still hovering over them — ready to plague them, to torment them, for all the remaining days of their pitiful, hellbound lives — and even for an eternity in hell thereafter, if it were possible.
Q. And it is not possible?
A. No it is not. For between the two of us there is a great gulf fixed — kinda like Jesus in Luke 16, the parable about the rich guy down in hell and the poor man up in heaven, and all that.
Q. So you will be in heaven?
Q. And they will be in hell?
A. Well, I certainly hope not! But if they are, there’s no way I can reach them any longer.
Q. And if they aren’t?
A. Then we’re all up in heaven, and it’s all good. Join the party!
Q. Your theology amuses me.
A. Only questions, please.
Q. All right, then here’s a question for you. Is it so important for you to shake these guys up, that you would risk your entire eternal security in heaven by heading down to hell with them, just to keep nagging at them?
A. Well, now that you put it that way — no, I don’t suppose so — no.
Q. Then why don’t you just give it up? Can you really change these guys?
A. OMG you’re starting to sound like a pop psychologist! But no, I cannot change them.
Q. So why don’t you just turn your attention to something more positive, useful, peaceful, beautiful —
A. Well, that’s what I do already! I do it every damn morning, if you want the God-honest truth.
Q. I’m not sure I do want the “God-honest truth,” but that’s just an agnostic aside.
Q. My question is why do you have to go through a process every single morning of overcoming all this insane hatred and vitriol, before you can get to the place where you’re bringing about peace and joy and love and kindness and all of the virtues you truly value?
A. Because if it weren’t for all the hatred and vitriol, I would have no enemy to overcome, there would be no fight, the battle would be over, and I would accomplish nothing.
Q. In other words, you need an enemy in order to win the war?
A. You got it. This is war, man. This is Art. It’s the real thing. I’m not just fooling around here. This is serious business.
Q. How long have you been fighting this war?
A. Goes back to early childhood. Between five and seven, I think, when I found out about — about —
Q. About what?
A. Isn’t there somewhere else you have to be this morning?
Q. You tire of my questions?
A. Would Socrates have tired of a gadfly? Of course not. It’s just that we’re about up a whole new Pandora’s Box here, and I myself would frankly like to get a bite to eat before setting about the day . . . of creating . . . things that are beautiful . . . and peaceful . . . and harmonious . . . pretty . . . artistic . . . aesthetic . . .
Q. Out with it!! What was it that you learned when you were a child?! What caused you to begin this lifelong war?
A. You know the answer to that. And you also know who is the enemy.
The Questioner is silent.
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