“Dark Holly” is a medley of various themes sacred & secular, based on the French version of the Christmas carol “The Holly and the Ivy.” This is not to be confused with the more well-known English version, which is in a major key. The French version is in a minor key — and my version is even darker. I’ll try to lighten things up next week with maybe “Sleigh Ride” or something along brighter lines. Enjoy —
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(1) The other day when I was running, it crossed my mind how great it is for people to recognize the reason why I’m running — that is, for health and exercise. In my previous life, up until a few short years ago, if someone saw me running, they generally assumed I was a criminal who had just committed a crime and was running from the law.
(2) Although I will admit to having been intimidated by the prowess of the highly skilled musicians in whose company I have suddenly found myself, I can truthfully say that I am much more enthused than intimidated at this stage. I’m grateful for the great musicians who think well enough of my music to want to help me bring it to life.
(3) Grateful for my apartment. I’ve lived here quietly for over three years now. It’s a true place of shelter from the storm. I’m grateful I’m not homeless anymore. It took its toll, but it’s a relief not to be living in all that chaos. Grateful for peace and quietude.
(4) This may sound weird, but I’m grateful for the wake-ups that sometimes come my way. There were a couple of them this past week. They don’t feel good, but they are good — because they happen for a reason. And once again, at the risk of sounding prejudicial or stigmatic, I am extremely grateful no longer to be living in California, and more than grateful to have discovered North Idaho.
(5) This Christmas Day was really the best one I’d had in years. I think it’s because I lowered my expectations so completely, I didn’t even expect it to be a bad Christmas, let alone a good one. The exchange of well wishes all throughout the day made Christmas what it ought to be — the hope of peace on earth and goodwill toward all.
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First I’d like you to hear a couple of the musicians I’m fortunate enough to have landed for our Eden in Babylon workshop. That’s Liam Merchant on saxophone (he’s playing sax, flute, and keyboard synth in the EIB band). Bobby Meador is the guitarist, as they do an intriguing version of “The House of the Rising Sun,” sung to the tune of “O Little Town of Bethlehem.”
On a more traditional note, here are the Wendt Brothers — Cody, Ian, and Tyler — with their charming Christmas Special. Numerous carols are here displayed, evoking the signature Wendt harmonies and piano stylistics. In addition, Cody narrates the Christmas Special with accounts of how these carols came into being.
May the warmth of the season embrace us all, and God bless us — every one.
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(1) A period of holiday-related depression appears to have subsided, and a healthy holiday spirit is upon me once more.
(2) I was distracted both by a personal dilemma and by the need to finish script revisions in order to better display why my protagonist would pose such a threat to the authorities as to motivate his attempted assassination. I forgot to create my Monday morning gratitude list in the process, but I find something gentle and healing in expressing my gratitude at the end of the day. Grateful to have resolved my dilemma — with the help of a friend and a counselor — and grateful to have finished the revisions, thus generating Draft 5-P and submitting it to the team.
(3) Just learned today that the church will be holding an outdoor service on the front lawn on Christmas Eve. I invited everybody to come. Usually the neighbors show up for the lawn services, and it promises to be a warm and peaceful gathering.
(4) Had a great Zoom meeting with Kurt Q. the recently retired linguistics professor. He recommended a book called The Argument Culture: Moving from Debate to Dialogue by Deborah Tannen, and sent two of her essays. Also recommended the work of Peter Elbow. Kurt is great for intellectual stimulus, and we decided to meet every Monday now.
(5) My daughter found a forgotten book of her poetry from the year 2011 and already has written a new song based on one of the poems. It’s poignant. Things have been rough, but we seem to have alighted upon a strong bond. God is Good.
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Here are the Wendt Brothers, Cody to the right and Ian to the left, who are portraying the characters Benzo and Timothy in our current workshop of my new musical Eden in Babylon. This is their charming version of the old English carol, “What Child Is This?”
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Q. What are you doing here?
A. Why do you ask?
Q. Isn’t it Wednesday?
A. So what?
Q. Aren’t you supposed to write these on Tuesdays?
A. How consistent have I been with that?
Q. Didn’t I ask you?
A. Well then. You have your answer. It’s Wednesday morning. It’s Christmas. I wrote two of them yesterday and hated them both. I’ll be tempted to delete this one, like I deleted both of the others. I hate this day. It’s a day of celebration for others, and of mourning and grieving for me. It’s this day that I used to love and have come to dread. It’s finally here. It’s upon me. And I’m miserable.
Q. Aren’t you forgetting the “reason for the season?”
A. Thanks for reminding me of the most ludicrous cliche imaginable. If Jesus Himself down and expressed His own disgust with this ridiculous sham of a so-called holy day, would you ask Him that same question?
Q. Aren’t you only projecting your own disgust onto Him?
A. I beg your pardon! I’m only asking a question. To be honest with you, I don’t believe Jesus has any particular opinion about this holiday at all. I believe He relates to individuals on an individual basis, whoever it is who seeks relationship with Him. He is therefore pleased with some people on Christmas, and not others.
Q. And you are one of the ones He is pleased with?
A. I didn’t say that! How can He possibly be pleased with me if I am not at all pleased with myself?
Q. Are you suggesting that He would suddenly become pleased with you if you were to become pleased with your own self?
A. Of course not! I could become pleased with myself over the slightest success or victory at damned near anything — whether Jesus was tracking with it or not.
Q. Seriously?
A. Yes – seriously! I’m the type of person who feels good when he’s accomplished something successfully, and feels lousy when he hasn’t. Isn’t that obvious? Aren’t I transparent?
Q. When was the last time you accomplished something successfully?
A. Too long ago. It’s been days, at least. Maybe weeks.
Q. So then it’s not really Christmas that is the issue, is it?
A. No, not really. But I’ll make no bones about it. I do not like this holiday! I don’t believe it has much to do with the birth of Jesus, or His life or teachings, much at all. We hear the stories at church, if we go to church, and then leave them behind. It’s a sham; it’s disgusting – but yes, you’re right. That’s my own disgust, not His.
Q. So why the disgust?
A. Because — it used to be — there was family. There was connection, there was warmth. We opened gifts. We had a Christmas tree. I played the piano, and we sang carols together.
Q. What happened to all that?
A. At some point, I just became — I don’t know. Uninvited. Mom and Dad are long gone, there isn’t a “parent’s house” anymore. I tried to reestablish family, but I failed.
Q. Why is everything about your personal success or failure?
A. I don’t know. My dad was kinda hard on me, kept saying I couldn’t do anything right. I just want to prove that I can do some things right. When I get something right, I feel warm inside. Like loved.
Q. Loved?
A. Yes. Loved. God loves me because He lets me get some things right.
Q. Isn’t that a rather limited view of love?
A. It’s a start.
Q. Wouldn’t you have started long ago?
A. Of course. But maybe I was barking up the wrong tree.
Q. What do you mean?
A. It might not be in my destiny for me to be a very successful family man.
Q. But are you content to be alone?
A. Usually. But not on Christmas. And not lately, to be honest with you. Ever since my daughter left, just kinda — lonely, and feeling like I failed.
Q. How is it that Christmas brings about these feelings of discontent?
A. It is on Christmas that the pain of knowing that other people are with family, seeming to have a good time, is most highlighted. The pain that I am excluded — for some reason. Naturally this leads to misery. Especially when combined with the fact that everything closes down. No food services. No Starbucks, no MacDonald’s. No library. No restaurants. How do I get food? I have to stock up — well, you know, you get through the season, you get through the day. I’m thinking MacDonald’s might be open till noon on some kind of truncated schedule. Might as well hoof it down there once this thing’s over.
Q. So that is your idea of Christmas? Spending the morning at a McDonald’s?
A. No. My idea is still to gather around somewhere where there’s family and play a piano — but that’s long past.
Q. Could it not also be future?
A. Do I have a very good history at holding a family together?
Q. Could you have given up too easily?
A. Perhaps.
Q. Might you be blaming yourself too much?
A. Maybe.
Q. So what is your strategy? How will you get through the day?
A. Well – I can start by repenting.
Q. What sin have you committed?
A. I mean – repenting of my attitude. Whatsoever is not of faith is sin. I lack faith right now.
Q. How can you get faith?
A. By choosing it.
Q. And what then?
A. Um – I can pray. I’ll start praying again.
Q. Why and when did you stop?
A. It was a few days back, after — something horrible happened personally, involving the loss of a friend — or maybe just the misplacement of the friend — she did wish me a happy Christmas back this morning, by text —
Q. Then she has not abandoned you, has she?
A. Maybe not. Then again, she might have just been being nice.
Q. Isn’t that a start?
A. Yeah. Lots of things can be starts.
Q. So what’s the strategy?
A. You make it sound like I’m fighting a war.
Q. Aren’t you?
A. I shouldn’t be. I should just be surrendering, trusting in God, having faith, looking expectantly for the good that will inevitably come . . .
Q. On this horrible day of Christmas?
A. You said it.
Q. I’m curious, though. Why did the severance with your friend cause you to stop praying?
A. She has always reflected Christ in my life. I can’t explain it. Maybe I put too much of a burden on her. There were times when nobody else even believed I was a Christian, and yet she still had faith in me. And now she’s gone.
Q. Can you — pray anyway?
A. And not be reminded of her? I can’t even read my Bible anymore. I read it — but it’s not the same. It’s as though I’m reading her Bible, not mine.
Q. So you’re — experiencing loss?
A. Loss upon loss. Here I’ve already given up. I’ll just say it:
Christmas in America is a time for people of privilege to enjoy the presence of other people of privilege. They could at least invite those who lack over to their houses. But they don’t. And what’s that got to do with the so-called spirit of Christmas? It’s not spiritual in any sense to exclude others from a gathering that is supposed to be held holy and pleasing in the eyes of God.
Q. Come on now! Do you truly believe that Christmas has been reduced to only this?
A. Only this and worse. I used to have a friend. And I don’t any longer.
Q. But don’t you have a friend in Jesus?
A. I do. And honestly, thank you for reminding me. If I can just make my mind turn to Him – maybe when I’m on the way to that McDonald’s — I bet they’re open — and it can’t possibly be as bad as that one Christmas was when I was homeless and it was raining — and nobody would let us in . . .
Q. Your Christmas has been a lot worse than this one, hasn’t it?
A. Well yeah – it beats that one year, I think it was 2015, the only people I saw all day were about twenty-five other angry homeless people, it was pouring rain, I remember logging onto Facebook and just screaming at everybody — it just seemed heartless that they could keep flashing all these festivities on their timelines — if one even suggested being invited over on Christmas Day, they made you feel like you were a horrible person for even thinking such a thing . . .
Q. But you are not homeless now, are you?
A. No I’m not.
Q. And have you not become heartless in your own rite?
A: I have not!
Q. How many homeless people are you letting in on Christmas?
Pause.
A. I’ve let a lot of homeless people in this house, and you know it.
Q. What about Christmas?
A. You know I have my reasons.
Q. Didn’t they all have their reasons?
A. No doubt. To put it mildly, to let strangers inside your house is risky business. But I wasn’t a stranger to any of those people I was buzzing on Christmas Day on Facebook in the rain that day. They all knew me. They knew exactly what my situation was.
Q. And their response was?
A. Denial and disdain.
Q. Why do you think that was?
A. Who likes a party–pooper? Why should I be raining on their parade?
Q. You’re not raining on them now, are you?
A. Not that I know of — unless some of the more lurkish among them are reading these words, and feeling the storm.
Q. And you’re not being rained on now either, are you?
A. More like snowed on. But not at the moment, no. I’m indoors – and I should be grateful.
Q. Are you?
A. Grateful? One wishes the word did not apply. But yes, come to think of it, I am grateful. I should be, after all. Things could be a lot worse. I could be robbed of anything approaching a First Amendment right in some parts of the world. I could be put to death just for writing these words.
Q. So – what’s your strategy?
A. Well . . . I don’t know how strategic it is, but I just made a decision. This tuneup needs to be wrapped up anyway. It’s dragging on kinda long.
Q. What’s your decision?
A. I’m going to go down to that McDonald’s and find someone more miserable than myself.
Q. Then what?
A. I’ll take it from there. I’m at least usually a happy person. I can share my happiness with them, even if I don’t experience it at the time.
Q. But won’t you just be just like the people on Facebook, flaunting their festivities?
A. I’ll try not to be. Thanks for the warning.
Q. Anything else?
A. Not that I can think of.
Q. Cold feet?
A. Some.
Q. Just do it?
A. Wish me luck.
The Questioner is silent.
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I hope you all have a very blessed and meaningful day today; and that whether or not you are a Christian, each of you will take a few moments to reflect upon the person and character of Jesus Christ.
No matter whether one believes that he was the Messiah, or a great prophet or teacher, or an incredible psychologist or magician, or the Son of God, or even God Himself, I think there can be no doubt (as Emmet Fox said) that Jesus Christ has had more impact on humanity than other single figure in the history of the world.
“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name.”
– Philippians 2:9
What’s in a name? A lot more than one might presume. The Greek word for name, onoma, is defined in the New American Standard New Testament Greek Lexicon as being “used for everything which the name covers, everything the thought or feeling of which is aroused in the mind by mentioning, hearing, remembering, the name, i.e., for one’s rank, authority, interest, pleasure, command, excellence, deeds, etc.”
Apply all that to the name of Jesus Christ, as opposed to say, the name of Roy Moore (to cite a random example) and I’m sure it won’t take much more than a few minutes’ contemplation to discern that there’s a lot more to the Name of Jesus than meets the immediate eye.
Think about it! This is my gift to you, and your having pondered all this would be more than sufficient gift to me, on this blessed day.
Finally, I gave myself a number of gifts last night; and why don’t we all give ourselves some gifts today. Let’s gift ourselves with the things that will truly be live-giving in our spirits and cause us to reflect more life, love, joy, peace, and happiness to all those around us, and moreover, to our own selves.
And most of all, to the Name of God.
God bless us, every one.
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Anything Helps – God Bless!
I’ve been playing the piano lately. It helps to have access to a Baldwin grand piano at my church. A while back I posted a youtube of a couple tunes of mine that came out surprisingly well. This spurred me on, so I decided to work up a bit of a Christmas-style medley for the holidays.
I call this “Holiday Moods.” It’s a blend of a little song I wrote to the words of Isaiah 30:29. Behold:
Ye shall have a song,
As in the night,
When a holy solemnity is kept;
And gladness of heart,
As when one goes forth with a pipe
To come into the Mountain of the Lord:
To the Holy One.
Nice poetry, no? You can probably hear those words in the notes I play. After that, I went into a rather startling rendition of the carol, “The Holly and the Ivy,” followed by my arrangement of the main theme of “Jupiter,” from The Planets by Gustav Holst. That segues into the time-honored Martin Luther hymn: “Holy Holy Holy.” Here’s the youtube:
I hope you enjoyed that! Happy Holidays to you — and to yours.
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Anything Helps – God Bless!
Eden in Babylon 