Gratitude List 1133

This one’s from about 6:20 in the evening last night (Sunday).

1. Wiped out from only 3 1/2 hrs sleep and sleep paralysis Friday night, I crashed out at around 5pm and woke up at 1am, a good 8 hours sleep. Was still wiped out & depressed, bt slept from 4 till 7am, and the extra three hours slept off the depression.  

2. Going to church seemed a no-brainer after that, whereas earlier I was reluctant.

3. Can’t help but notice I’m focusing much better on the Confession and the Sermon than earlier, before the meds.

4. The words in the Confession spoke to my heart.

5. I also really enjoyed Julie’s Bible Project, and gained from it. (My only gripe there is something in my own personality. I know what I’m doing wrong, because a previous employer cued me in on it. But I still do it. Well, at least I’m aware of it, and will have
the opportunity to try and stop it next time.)

6. Finally got a decent draft of the newsletter and succeeded in sending it out to everybody. Copied it to Darrell, Shaun, Melissa, Norman, Kathy and Bruce, just so they’ll see what’s in it. It’s a little long, but seems fairly decent compared to previous drafts, in terms of being relaxed and not overly arrogant or self-promotional.

7. A talented musician by the name of Leslie reblogged my post of me and Paul playing my “I Am the Blues” number, and now all his fans are groovin on it. Texted the link to Paul and Jens, the blues guitarist-harmonicizer.

8. Although after one week of incubation, nothing on the Elegy emerged fruitful,
after only one more week, it’s amazing how much has illuminated. I’m on Measure
29 now, successfully correcting the wonky errors in the four-part harmony, and it’s
coming out whole. I betcha I can get all the way to the end, ere long.

9. Once again, the Round Table has proved the ideal site for musical composition
and arrangements.

10. God is in control.

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Gratitude List 1125

My gratitude list from Sunday afternoon, after a nice long nap.

1. Napped for an hour and a half solidly between 1:30pm & 3pm.

2. Saw my Yamaha electronic piano first thing on awakening, and thought “it’s so nice to have this place of my own.”

3. Actually ate a banana this morning.

4. Am drinking orange juice now instead of coffee.

5. I’d been having a bit of difficulty getting along with this one person at the church, but after she came up and sat behind me in the pews and we started talking, I wound up sitting next to her.  Then I wondered why I had been having a hard time getting along with her.  It all seemed nice, normal, natural & no-big-deal.

6. Despite drowsiness, I got more out of the sermon than usual.  I think this new ADHD medication is helping me be a better listener.

7. Had a good talk with that one guy about that one thing that was bugging me.  He wasn’t passing judgment against me as a person; he was just a bit exasperated with the general situation in question.  Goes to show how we can’t always tell what someone’s thinking by a look on the face, and our own insecurities will often read too much into stuff.

8. Finished the second of the five new assignments with the paper.  I’m calling it “My Life Has Just Begun.”  Sent it to Alastair, telling her I’d rewrite the 1st one again, and call it “Bigger and Better than the Streets.” It feels good that the block has been removed and that I’m on a roll with the articles for the new column.

9. The more I think about it, the more the talk with my daughter last night was encouraging.

10. Really beautiful day today.  I think I’ll head down to the cafe and chillax.  Life is good.

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Gratitude List 1103

My gratitude list from Friday morning.   

1. Slept from about 7:30pm till 2am, about 6 1/2 hours.

2. I’m much better at hydrating than I used to be.  This one Smart water bottle that I keep refilling has become associated with wolfing it down and also leaving it in the same spot all the time, where I can find it.  I took my synthroid with a full glass of water easily this morning, once again.

3. Interesting chat with the guy on the graveyard shift.  He kept referring to everything in terms of “night” even though to me it was “morning.”  Guess they had a wild night over there, but I left thinking it’s kinda nice that I would even be considered acceptable to chit-chat with and share some laughs in that context, as opposed to the earlier, more prevalent experience of walking into a Mom & Pop on somebody’s graveyard shift and being eyed with suspicion.

4. Really good “Hi-Rev” coffee.

5. I had a good feeling about my daughter when I got off the phone with her on Wednesday.

6. People are hitting my “Interim” post.  I’m creating an Abstractions playlist on SoundCloud this morning, I can link to it and to the Exile playlist where those titles appear in the pitch.  That will enhance the ad – they’ll be able to hear samples of my piano, with one click.   Also had not been expecting $140 in Interim sales already.  So this has been a great project.

7. Really good talk with Danielle yesterday morning, catalyzing corresponding thoughts throughout the day.

8. Not sure if I mentioned, I finished Firefly Magic.  I’m jotting down notes for questions / issues to raise with author Lauren Sapala in a scheduled Hangouts video call.  This is a nice opportunity.

9. I’m thinking I can probably create a decent piano piece at the church this morning, which will also strengthen my trip.  I felt too out of practice yesterday, but today I might be loosened up.  Thankful for the church, and the opportunity to keep practicing on the Baldwin grand.*

10. Thankful for side projects while still largely stalled on my big project.  Also thankful for many minorly positive connections while out of touch with majorly positive connections.  There’s a new lilt in my stride, and a sense of upbeat, forward mobility.  God is Good.

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Gratitude List 1063

My list from yesterday morning.

1. I feel kinda “normal” this morning.  I like it when I’m at my norm, when nothing is setting me off.

2. I noticed, as of this morning, that I’m able to pray again. When people have come to mind, I’ve been able to pray for them rather than just worry about them or (worse yet) be indifferent toward them. It’s the evidence of a prayer life that I associate with the state of sobriety that I find to be the best, most useful state.

3. Slept during a normal time frame. I forget when I went to bed (8 or 9) but awoke at around 4am feeling rested and refreshed. Dreamed a lot too.

4. Heard from my daughter for the first time in a long time.   All she said was “hey daddy, love you hope you’re well” and then didn’t reply to any of my following, very immediate, most excited texts. Still, that’s better than nothing.  Grateful to hear that she is (1) alive, and (2) breathing.  It does make a difference.  ;)

5. This coffee is great, from the Sunset. I enjoyed jogging to the store and back in the 18 degrees. It didn’t feel oppressively cold, and the nice guy was working graveyard shift. Got a large Hi-Rev coffee, still working on it.

6. This is a really nice spot, where my apartment is. I like my desk, and where it sits, and the view. The seclusion really sits well with me, if truly appreciated and used properly. I like the early morning hours.

7. Nice chat with a good friend, one of the volunteers at the Center.   

8. Soon I’ll be in the cafe, probably at the Round Table, probably writing music, probably smiling.  Looking forward to church this morning, too.  And you know — my life is good these days. There really is a lot to be grateful for.

9. Working on a big number in Act Two for the vocal score.   It’s intriguing.  There’s an interesting tension between the powerful statement of solidarity and the weird campy musical theatre show tune aspect. That’s the tension I’ve got to work with, in order to make this number truly great.  And I will do so.

10. His blessings are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.

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Gratitude List 1035

1. Slept really well for over eight hours, between about 10:30 and about 6:45, with very vivid dreams that seemed meaningful. Thankful for REM sleep. I never used to get it when I was homeless, sleeping with one eye open out there, ready for anything.

2. Courtyard Cafe, just finished the $3 traditional breakfast, on my second cup of free Pikes Peak coffee with unlimited refills.

3. Though my thoughts were anxious and scattered on awakening, I noticed after setting foot outside that there was never a moment of inner rage like there often used to be. Even when the thoughts of the guys I’ve been mad at crossed my mind, there was no anger in the thoughts. That’s what we call progress.

4. 36 days now since I gave up a certain personal habit that turned out not to be a good thing for me. Others, I suppose, may enjoy it, as they will.

5. It felt good to show up ten minutes early for church yesterday morning, instead of ten minutes late.  There’s something about finding a seat in the pews that’s to my liking, and having people come up saying hello for a while, that’s much more peaceful than rushing in late and having to wonder if I stick out like a sore thumb.  

6. Though I couldn’t find my spikes this morning before setting out in 23F weather, I succeeded in getting the laces of my snow boots tied up, despite frazzled ends.

7. As I walked toward the Courtyard Cafe, I contemplated how much I am invigorated by the marvelous cold weather of these here Northern regions. I sure don’t miss my past in California, where it was hot, hot, hot — in more ways than one. ;)

8. I was blessed by this blog post that Khaliela, who heads up our local Writers Guild, wrote for GoDaddy.

9. Dreamed all night about this guy Dave whom I might be working with. I was working not only with him but with all these other people we were both working with. They kept giving me practical advice on getting along well with others in the context of whatever it was we were all working on.  They kept saying: “Play by the rules. Don’t just show interest in yourself, show interest in the others. We’re only human. Go by Romans 3.”

When I woke up, a large figure I often see to the left of my front door loomed into the kitchen. I sometimes take this man to be an Angel — I call him the Angel of Dreams. He always shows up after a particularly meaningful dream. When my eyes open, I see him, and he slips stealthily into the kitchen, after which I see him no more.

I opened up the Bible and read these words:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

10. I’m on my 3rd cup of free coffee.  A friend just texted and said she’ll be on her way over.  It’s good to have friends.  It’s good to have a home.

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Gratitude List 973

1. Although I woke up after only three hours sleep at around 2:30am feeling horribly mentally unhealthy as well as morally and spiritually incompetent, enough positivity has been mustered up since then to renew my hope.

2. One of the (very minor) frustrations on my mind this morning was an inability to find my nail clipper, but at the moment in the morning when I remembered to pray for God’s help at the beginning of the day, I looked down onto the kitchen counter, and there it was sitting by the microwave.  I like it when this kind of thing happens.  It of course has nothing to do with resolving any of the more major frustrations, but it does sort of give one the impression that God’s got his back.

3. Nice email update from Erika this morning and was able to write a proper reply.  This also came one day after I was getting a nudge to email her, so that part’s also good.

4. Heard from Timbo upon my request, who used to be a peer counselor at the Recovery Center.  It was good to go over some of my current issues with him, so as to get a new and valuable perspective.

5. Sold another Exile CD.   Grateful to have made eight such sales in the past three days.  It’s a ray of hope at an otherwise very trying time.

6. I really like my church.  I was depressed yesterday morning, but the fellowship lifted me up.   Certain members of the church are beginning to approach me with homeless themes, and I get a sense of respect from them that I haven’t often found elsewhere, until very recently in life.

7. Although this is a very problematical time for me in terms of a personal family crisis, it’s having the effect of causing me to create about three times as many gratitude lists as usual.  They do help, along with other tools, to renew my hope in Christ and in the future of humanity on this planet.  

8. I’ve noticed that I forget about my problems when I work on the Eden in Babylon vocal score.  This is a good thing, because it gives me more motivation to get it done, and I really do need to have a draft of it ready by the 31st, in order to meet a certain deadline.

9. It’s always darkest before the dawn.

10. This too shall pass.  

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Gratitude List 951

My gratitude list from Sunday morning.   

1. Only got 5 hrs sleep (from 9 to 2) but awoke feeling rested. Also, I felt like I was coming down with the flu when I went to bed, but feel fine after sleeping it off.

2. Coffee is actually the right strength this time. (It’s been weak lately).

3. I like my early morning space and solitude.

4. Just finished vocal-scoring No.6 (Awake the Dawn) with words thru measure 30 and w/out words to 55. It’s going way better than I thought it would.

5. An interesting synchronicity is making me feel like I’m on the right track. Same thing happened with Bubbles Taboo a long time ago, where 12 unplanned modulations on all kinds of divergent intervals somehow landed me back in the same key I’d started in, even though I didn’t plan it that way. This time, with “Awake the Dawn,” I had to change the key and some of the octaves to avoid having the singers span an impossible 3+ octave range, and also had to correct the two instances where a corny half step modulation ought to have been replaced by a modulation to a relative major; and once again, the combination of all that landed me somehow in the same key I started in. It’s like magic when that kind of thing happens, and it can be very encouraging.

6. J. says that E. got her medication now, which is a relief.

7. Nice conversation with Danielle last night. Interesting about Baby-Wise.

8. I’m really lucky I landed the church I’m at. It’s not just that they’re not “kicking me out.” I’m actually being given a chance to grow. It’s such a blessing, compared to anything I tried along these lines in the past.

9. Guess my PSA levels were okay, or the clinic would have called me by now.

10. God is Good.