Tuesday Tuneup 80

Q. What’s going on inside?

A. Change of plans.

Q. How so?

A. Remember how I used to have you change questions every 22 times?  Well, things are going so slowly these days, I’d like to change that to every 20 times.

Q. Which means?

A. 80 being 4 x 20, we need a new question out of you by July 21st.   Then we can start Tuesday Tuneup 81 with an entirely new question.    

Orange man questions clipart

Q. What kind of question?

A. Well, you should know!  You’re the one who’s been asking them.   The first question, as I recall, was Do you know who I am?”  I believe you asked me that 22 times.    Then, you started asking me: “Where would you like to be?”

Q. Why would I ask you those kinds of questions?

A. Because they’re simple, broad-based, and can be answered a different way every time they’re asked.   Between one Tuesday and the next, I’m bound to have a different answer.

Q. Is that why I’ve been asking you what’s going on inside, too?

A. Yes.  What’s going on inside me will not be the same next Tuesday as it is tonight.  

Q. What kind of question will not work?

A. Any question that has a single absolute answer, regardless of how I might be feeling at the time.

Q. For example?

A. A good example would be: “What is your name?”   If I am to be honest, I will answer that question the same way every Tuesday.   One thing about me that does not change is my name.  

Q. What about you does change, then?

A. My mood, for one thing.   

Q. Will you be in a different mood next Tuesday than you are today?

A. Undoubtedly.   In fact, today I am in a different mood than I was last Tuesday.

Q. What else about you changes?

A. My attitude — my outlook toward life — somewhat related to mood, but perhaps more intentional.

Q. What else?

A. My plans.   What I intend to next.    This changes from one day to the next.

Q. Goodness!   How do you ever get anything done, if your plans change so often?

A.  I work really hard, to make up for it.

Q. Would that be a good question, then?

A. Would what be?

Q. “What are your plans today?”

A. That’s the general idea, yes.   Anything that will vary, from day to day — and from Tuesday till Tuesday.

Q. Should I start asking you that question next week, then?

A. No – not so fast.   That question is just a wee bit boring.    We might be able to come up with a more interesting question — one that will engage me and intrigue me.   If we pick the right question, I may even become motivated to show up every Tuesday.

Q. Will wonders never cease?

A. Probably not.   But getting down to brass tacks here, I think it’s time we choose a new question.   

Q. Who’s we?

A. All of us!   Maybe one of my readers would like to choose the question.

Q. You think so?

A. I do.  And in any case, it won’t hurt to ask.   What do you think?

The Questioner is silent.

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Tuesday Tuneup 59

Q. What are you doing here?

A. Killing time.

Q. Have you ever really stopped to think about that expression?

A. What expression?

Q. Killing time?

A. No, not really.

Q. Well, think about it!  How can time be killed?

A. But — it’s only an expression.

Q. Why do you not answer my question directly?

A. All right, all right.  Literally speaking, I have no idea how time can be killed.

Q. Then what makes you think you can kill it?

A. That would seem rather presumptuous of me.

Q. So!  What are you really doing here?

A. Waiting.

Q. Waiting for what?

A. For it to be 11:24.

Q. What time is it now?

A. 11:05.

Q. What happens at 11:24?

A. The bus comes.

Q. Are you sitting at the bus stop right now?

A. No, I’m sitting in the Courtyard Cafe with my computer.

Q. How long will it take you to get from the Courtyard Cafe to the bus stop?

A. About two minutes.

Q. Then shouldn’t you have said you were waiting for it to be 11:22?   Won’t you miss the bus if you wait all the way till 11:24?

A. All right, then.   I’m waiting for it to become 11:22.

Q. What time is it now?

A. 11:08.

Q. So for how many more minutes will you need to keep this up?

A. For 14 minutes, sir.

Q. Why did you call me “sir?”

A. I don’t know.  It seemed — courteous.

the GADFLY - Music Venues - 117 Elm St, La Grande, OR ...Q. But what makes you think I’m a man?   Couldn’t I be a woman?   Why didn’t you call me “madam” instead?   Why did you assume I am a man?

A. I don’t know — uh maybe some kind of unconscious sexism of some sort?

Q. Sexism?   Don’t you believe in equal rights for women?

A. Equal, uh, er, rights, yes — and equal opportunity — but perhaps not equality in terms of — of —

Q. In terms of what, may I ask?

A. Well, I mean, anybody knows there are innate differences in the way men and women process information . . .

Q. Are you saying that women are less intelligent than men?

A. Don’t put words in my mouth!   I said nothing of the kind!

Q. Well then!   Just what are these innate differences you’re so convinced exist?

A. Um . . . for one thing, it’s well-known that men are more solution-oriented, and that women are — are —

Q. More problem-oriented?!   Is that what you’re suggesting?   That all we do is cause problems??

(Awkward pause.)

A. What time is it?

Q. Aren’t I supposed to be asking you the questions?

A. All right, it’s 11:14 already.

Q. And just how do you propose to spend the next 8 minutes?

A. In total silence, preferably.

Q. How the hell are you going to get that to happen?

A. Probably only if one of us stops talking.

Q. And who might that be?

A. I would hope that you would be the one to stop talking first!

Q. And if I don’t?

The Answerer is silent.

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A little bit goes a long, long way.  

 

Tuesday Tuneup 58

Q. What are you doing here?

A. I have no idea.

Q. None whatsoever?

A. None at all.

Q. How could this come to be?

A. Not sure.  My guess is that it may be due to an emptying of the mind.

Q. Are you trying to tell me that your mind is empty?

A. Well — emptier.  It’s usually full of all kinds of fancy notions.   It seems to have been cleared of many of them.

Q. What kinds of fancy notions?

A. Oh, this and that.

Q. Can you be more specific?

A. Well — it used to be, not too long ago, my life seemed to depend on certain things falling into place.  Certain things happening.   

Q. What kinds of things?

A. Professional things.   And some personal things.

Q. Too personal to discuss?

A. Next question, please.

Q. Are these things no longer happening?

A. Not exactly as I’d expected, no.  But bright things are emerging, both in personal and professional arenas.

Q. What kinds of things?

A. New things.

Q. New?

Q. Yes.  My world has been emptied of old things.   Things no longer pertinent to a newly emerging life.

Q. Do you know exactly what the new life will entail?

A. Not at all, sir.  I can only say that I’m very much looking forward to it.

Q. How did this all come to pass?

A. Through meditation.   And surrender.

Q. Surrender of what?

A. I already told you, sir!  Of old ideas.   Please don’t pry.

Q. Am I prying?

A. Yes.

Q. Should I apologize?

A. Only if it makes you feel better.

Q. So after you emptied your mind, did it come to be filled with new things?

A. Not filled to the brim.   But there’s a process of its being filled.

Q. By whom?

A. By God.   He can’t fill a full cup.  He can only fill an empty cup.

Q. Do you believe in God?

A. I do.

Q, How do you equate such an antiquated belief with your intellect?

A. The Word “God” is only a Word.   Words have meaning.  Ask yourself what the Word means.   Then read John Chapter One, Verse One.   Use the Berean Study Bible for ease of use and accurate translation.  Or the Revised Standard — that’s my suggestion.  Start from there.  Just try it.  And then — don’t read cover to cover.  The Word is not a novel.  Read where the Spirit leads you.   

Q. Why?

A. Because I did.  And another intellectual did — someone whom I love.   And countless others.   Believe me, it’s worth the search.   

The Questioner is silent.  

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A little bit goes a long, long way.