Gratitude List 1289

1. Slept almost all day yesterday being sick. Awoke to Danielle’s call in the morning, and have noticed that I have much more functional energy today in general. This too has passed.

2. Am here at the local cafe, slowly getting oriented at the round table.

3. There’s the feel of a new day with new hope and promise.

4. Read Proverbs 7 and all of Titus. Stuff in Titus stood out for me, bearing further consideration.

5. Heard from Jeff X on Shenandoah.

6. Echo helped so much when I was sick, made food, gave me water and tea and ibuprofen. It’s nice to have her around the house, and my heart is warmed for her being here.

7. Helped to talk with Danielle.

8. Echo should get paid today for her job at the brewery.

9. I think I’m awake enough spiritually that I can get into my work now. The work is not the most important thing, and when I think that way, I begin to err.

10. His blessings are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.

Please donate to Eden in Babylon.
A little bit goes a long, long way.  

Gratitude List 1253

1. Slept about 5 hrs — an hour and a half from 10:30 till midnight, and then another 3 1/2 from 2:30 till 6. Grateful to have fulfilled the requirement.

2. Ran only 2 miles at a snail’s pace, neither for speed, distance, or tempo. It was a good warm-up for the Big Five tomorrow morning, hopefully combining all three.

3. Very nice talk with my friend Holly last night. She’s doing well, house-sitting in Grass Valley on a large acreage with swimming pool.

4. Sold another $45 worth of Abandon albums on Bandcamp yesterday, in addition to the $30 I made in hard copy CD sales. So, a $75 day yesterday, once all proceeds manifest.

5. Saw an amazingly gorgeous sunset walking home from the cafe last night. I took it to mean that the sun is setting beautifully on a newly completed stage of my life.

6. Set up Discord to chat with Emily, and fixed Google Hangouts. Had a great talk with my daughter on Hangouts & squared some things away.

7. Remembered something about the psychic stage where I get onto the massive creative roll (which I call “Stage Three.”)  It’s not good to let the high creative flow be interrupted, because it can transform the passion to total frustration and irritation, if not outright outrage. Next time I’ll remember.

8. The September Street Spirit is the best since Alastair took over, and my column the best of the three.   Expect a pertinent blog post on Thursday.

9. Looking forward to good work on the 4th draft today and to playing piano at 4pm at the hospital.

10. The upstairs section of the cafe, where nobody from next door is likely to find me, and the Muses hover almost visibly over my comfortable creative chair.  God is Good.

Please donate to Eden in Babylon.
A little bit goes a long, long way.  

 

Pitfalls of Forgiveness: Part Two

I wanted to subtitle this one: “How NOT to forgive somebody.”   I got this crazy idea that  if somebody whom I have resented would only answer a few questions for me, I would finally “understand” the situation, and therefore finally “forgive” the guy.   After all, isn’t there a French proverb that reads: “To understand all is to forgive all?”   Sure there is!  Therefore,  if I could only understand this fellow’s baffling behavior toward me, then naturally I would finally arrive at a moment like this:

“Oh!  I get it!  That’s why you said all those weird and totally hurtful things!  I understand now!   It all makes sense!!  Finally, I forgive you, man!!!”

Believe me, this is not the way to approach the matter.   To illustrate this, I’ve prepared a fictitious email, sent to someone named “Tom” who hypothetically had offended me.  The nature of the offense is based on truth, though the names and variables have been altered and mixed, for the sake of discretion and taste.  Observe the absurdity of such an entreaty:

Hey Tom –

As you know, I’ve been having a very difficult time forgiving you for nearly two years now.    Largely, this is due to a single conversation in which you suddenly decided, among other things, that you were not really my good, close friend, but only a “casual acquaintance.”

Being as we have had many close conversations over a twenty year period of time, this demotion seemed a bit unfair.  Come to think of it, however, it was only I who kept revealing all kinds of personal information to you, thinking you were one of my very best friends.  Perhaps this explains why you would often take the information I conveyed to you in confidence and freely distribute among your many associates.  Had I been your friend, and not just some random guy, you might have been more loyal.

It appears that either you are one of the most malicious people I’ve ever met, or one of the stupidest.  I sure hope the latter is the case.  If you are stupid, then you simply don’t realize the implications of your statements, and therefore it is more difficult for me to find fault with you.

I have therefore provided you with a 12-point questionnaire, designed to determine whether or not you are an evil genius or a stupid idiot.  Once I know the answer, I will understand you perfectly; and therefore forgive you.  

Best Regards,

Andy

Do you see how ludicrous that would be?  If the situation were reversed, and I knew that someone hated me, and the person who hated me was insisting that I alter my behavior in some form or another, until he would no longer hate me, how would I feel?

I would be incensed!  It is not my purpose in life to adjust my behavior to please him who hates me.  That person who hates me is not God, and has no right to insist that I change in any way.

Scrummaster Needed Desperately at LAST Conf 2016 in ...

But the aphorism above comes to mind and is wise.  This person whom I am calling “Tom” also had a way of lecturing me.  Lengthy dissertations on how to live my life, flavored by little gifts he would buy me — running shoes, a cell phone, and lunches.  It took me a while to realize that he must not have been all that bright.   People who give a lot of advice generally mean well.  They’re just not smart enough to realize that they shouldn’t be doing it.  

Of course, this begs the question: “Why on earth did I listen to all these uninvited lectures in the first place?

The answer is this:

When you’re homeless, and you’re out on the streets, and you’re not sleeping very well, and you’re being treated left and right as though you are a totally worthless scum bag with no clue how to live your life, you eventually begin to believe it.

So you turn to those who appear to be doing well, and you eat up their worthless advice as though it were manna from heaven.  Somehow, you don’t realize until you finally get inside that their advice pertains only to the world of the wealthy.  It has no relevance whatever to the world of the underprivileged — the world where you actually live.

As far as forgiveness is concerned, as Bryan Wagner has pointed out, it has nothing to do with the other person at all.   The idea of requesting that someone alter their behavior in order that you might forgive them is absurd.   Had they been willing to do something like that, you’d have never resented them in the first place.

Forgiveness is an inside job.  It can only be accomplished in that place inside you where you meet your True and Highest Self.  It can only be accomplished in the heart.

Please donate to Eden in Babylon.
A little bit goes a long, long way.  

 

Gratitude List 1138

This week’s gratitude list is fetched from Tuesday, six days ago, April 16th.

1. Finally waking up.

2. Slept a solid six hours from 11pm to 5am.

3. On #1, in this case, the doppio is what it took.  I must have slept very deeply, because I honestly wasn’t fully alert till 4 1/2 hours after awakening. This is a good thing — I’m likely to be energetic and focused throughout the day ahead.

4. Ran into Jim the Janitor who bought me breakfast, and had a wonderful conversation with him at the Courtyard.

5. Putting out fires already — the leading role issue, the audition form issue — but at least there are fires to be put out. For a long time, everything was a deluge, and nothing ever caught afire.

6. This is the perfect day for Proverbs 16. It’s my favorite chapter in all of the Proverbs of Solomon.  In fact, 16:1 has already bombarded me.

7. As of yesterday. I can see the light at the end of the current tunnel. I don’t feel “submerged” in the work anymore. I feel on top of it, like I can breathe again, and it’s all good.

8. It feels as sad as it does good, but a friend I made at the Center has told me that I am the only true friend that she has right now, and the only person in her life whom she feels she can completely trust.

9. Heard from Kent, and from Holly. Both sounded upbeat & positive. Just had a lengthy convo with Kent (post-doppio) and am happy for our longstanding, mostly mutually beneficial friendship.

10. All systems go. Excelsior.

Please donate to Eden in Babylon.
A little bit goes a long, long way.

 

Gratitude List 898

(1) I’ve had a flu, maybe food poisoning — but it seems to have past with lots of rest and water.  It would have been a lot more difficult to take care of, if I still lived outside.

(2) Life is a colossal, colorful miracle that may be appreciated on multiple magical levels.

(3) Courtyard Cafe, free Starbucks coffee & refills.

(4) It helps during times of trial to remember His blessings: past, present and future.

(5) That doctor was a really nice guy, when I had to go to Emergency the other day.

(6) Most people I’ve met are pretty nice, and it helps their niceness not to make too many demands upon them, in this life.

(7) Self-sufficiency, not being dependent on too many other people, is a good thing, and a blessed thing in the eyes of the Lord.

(8) I’ve been blessed with some pretty good, loyal friends in this life — Danielle being one of them.

(9) Nobody’s perfect, and to expect too much out of people is not wise.

(10) But God is perfect.  We can expect the Universe from Him.

Note: I’ll be taking a week off from this blog, starting this morning.  Will return on September 3rd, God willing.  

Please donate to Eden in Babylon.
Anything Helps – God Bless!

 

Gratitude List 866

(1) Something tells me this is going to be a very productive week.

(2) I slept incredibly soundly last night.

(3) Just now awoke and noticed immediately that I was back in my “usual good mood” — no more of that funk I was in for a few days there.

(4) Coffee was ready without even having to flip a switch.  Tastes good, too!

smiling computer(5) My computer is right here where I left it.   Turned on my tensor lamp and voilà –  the O.G. is ready to roll.

(6) Had a really nice Skype with Howard last night — noticed once again how insightful and good-natured he can be.  This is especially illuminated over the Skype interface, where one can actually see the guy.   Will wonders of technology never cease.

(7) Nice of Norman to have dinner with me at the Co-Op.  Another very insightful and compassionate man.

(8) I am not at a loss for true friends at this time in my life.

(9) This honestly is the best I’ve felt in ages.

(10) I get to meet Jan at the station tonight and walk her back home.  It sure is nice having her around.   The Lord has blessed me so much.   And I can be whom I’ve always wanted to be.   Thank God for the good things in life.

Please donate to Eden in Babylon.
Anything Helps – God Bless!

 

In Spirit and in Truth

There is something in the human spirit that makes people want to feel that they are moving forward in some way.   No one likes to feel as though they are stagnating.  We all want to feel as though we are somehow progressing.  When we feel that we are progressing, it seems that our lives have meaning.  When we feel that we are stagnating, it seems that life is meaningless.

Moreover, it seems that different people have different ideas regarding personal progress.  Some people view progress in terms of their monetary advancement; that is, their financial growth.  The more money they make, the better they feel about their progress in life.

Others view progress in terms of their spiritual growth.  Are they becoming better people in some way?   Are they more responsive to the needs of others?  More giving?  More honest?  Less self-serving?  More capable of standing tall in the face of adversity?  More courageous?  Wiser?  More patient?  Or, most of all, more loving?

The latter seems to me to be the higher view of personal progress in life.   But it eludes many people.  People become trapped in the worrisome cares of this world.  And many of those anxiety-ridden concerns are centered around the love of money.

Consider the words of Jesus:

“No one can serve two masters.
Either you will hate the one and love the other,
or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.
You cannot serve both God and money.”
– Matthew 6:24

I’ve always wondered why the two poles chosen were those of God and money.  Why not God and sex?  God and drugs?   Or God and (heaven forbid) rock ‘n’ roll?

Having reflected quite a bit on this dynamic throughout the past two years, I believe I am beginning to understand.  To pursue financial gain as one’s top priority in life is energetically incompatible with the pursuit of personal, spiritual growth.  

God and moneyThis is not to say that a person whose primary focus is on making money cannot do good things with their money. But the good uses of one’s money can take place without there necessarily being any positive change in that person’s character.   A money-hungry person, after all, could conceivably find themselves at a loss for true friends, since people are naturally put off by the energy of greed.  That person might then reason that if they were to offer all kinds of goodies to a less privileged person whom they happen to like,  then that more impoverished person might cling to them as though a friend, and they would not be so lonely.

But money cannot buy friendship any more than it can buy true happiness.   The money-focused individual in this case is not really giving of his essence as a human being.  Rather, he is giving of his excess – and perhaps even getting a hefty tax write-off in the process.

It is also not the case that if one is primarily focused on spiritual growth, then prospects for financial betterment will elude them completely.  It only means that the spiritually-minded person does not base their self-worth on their net worth.  They do not identify themselves according to their financial stature, but rather according to the actualization of their true selves.

People like these feel no need to lavish pricey gifts upon others in order to secure the loyalty that only true friendship can secure.  Rather, they seek out like-minded people, people with whom they would naturally best relate, because they share similar values and interests.  As a Christian, I further believe that the Father of Life also seeks out such like-minded souls.  

But the hour is coming, and is now here,
when the true worshipers will worship the Father
in Spirit and in Truth,
for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.
 

God is Spirit,
and those who worship him must worship in Spirit and Truth.”
 

– John 4:23-24

It is a mistake to think that the presence of money will necessarily negate the possibility of true moral character.  Many wealthy people are legitimately concerned for the plight of those who are suffering.  But it is also a mistake to think that one’s primary aim ought to be the acquisition of great wealth, rationalizing that some of the money will be offered to tax-exempt charitable contributions.  My experience has been that the more I stay focused on the actualization of my true self — the person whom God desires me to be — then the more my needs are adequately met.

The more I love God, and the less I love money, the better off I am.  It is then that my words and my music best reflect my concern and my hope for humanity.  And while it may cost me some money to render these gifts, the ultimate value of this form of genuine self-expression is far beyond that which money can buy.

Please donate to Eden in Babylon.
Anything Helps – God Bless!