Tag Archives: podcast

M.I.A. Update

I’ve been way too absorbed in trying to prepare a sophisticated yet flexible “scratch track” for all the solo singers and musicians to utilize to help them record all their parts remotely, from wherever they are, while sheltering in place.

This process has been assaulted by numerous attacks against my sanity, including the inexplicable loss of my phone service when once again I was confused for the person who gave me the phone a number of years ago. This time however I am unconvinced I can get the problem resolved.

The disturbing events did however inspire a new podcast that I hope to publish tomorrow, prior to my Monday gratitude list in which I will announce, among other great news, that Keva Shull has returned to the project.

Really into editing the podcast right now, but I believe the scoring of bass parts is a priority. I’ll post it tomorrow sometime, assuming I meet the self-imposed deadline that it is against my spiritual principles to have created.

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Podcast Update

I like to post podcasts on Wednesdays but I was up late editing and lost a whole lot of edited work. I’m re-editing now and it may be best if I post the podcast tomorrow morning. (I did learn something from the experience and have created an organizational tool that will help prevent such mishaps in the future.)

The podcast will be an attempt to explain why I believe as I do, and how I came to Christ. It may be a little wild from some people’s perspectives but it’s about time I did this so I won’t be confused for someone I’m not. (If that makes sense.)

Anyway I’ll first run it past other Christians of the Reformed leaning and you may expect tomorrow morning at 7:30 PST.

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Gratitude List 1808

(1) Seeing as it is 8 degrees Fahrenheit now, I find things such as meditation and a hot bath very useful in the absence of vigorous outdoor exercise.

(2) Very good singing lesson today.   My student and I both agreed it was very constructive.   I really enjoy the arrangement and only wish I had maybe three or four other students as well.

(3) Spontaneously came up with a fairly decent podcast that seems relevant to basic stuff that’s happening, here there and everywhere.

(4) Christmas was peaceful.  I basically just treated it like any other day, and tried not to think about all the fun other people were having that they probably weren’t having anyway.

(5)  The more I shelter, the more I notice I don’t feel like spending a lot of time online.  There’s something about doing stuff offline that is so much less anxiety-provoking.   Lots of possibilities, anyway, when one has a computer, lives alone, and has ideas.

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Gratitude List 1806

(1) I turned in Part Two of my series The State of Christendom in Contemporary American Culture to Spokane Faith and Values.

(2) On Saturday, I gathered 2 hours and 40 minutes worth of conversation between me and a formerly homeless person named Benjamin Clewell for a future podcast. Though it will probably take me more than two days to edit it down to size (all things considered), I will still probably have a decent podcast by Wednesday based on Christendom Part Two.

(3) Nice to be inside the nice warm house while the snow is falling down outside my window.

(4) Thanks to enhanced income over the past two and a half months, I have paid all my back bills as well as all this month’s current ones, and am stocked up with enough food for more than a month.

(5) Karlie Smith has learned the five new songs I wrote, and also has agreed to sing on the Oracle Production Project, which is my present day baby. Am in the process of contracting other reputable people, including a bassist, guitarist and drummer of some repute. It’s all in the early planning stages – but we can make it work.

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Gratitude List 1795

(1) I found double-sided tape at the dollar store which makes it really easy to post all these positive reminders on the wall facing my desk. The positive reminders say things like:

— In your anger, do not sin
— Don’t be overcome by evil, but overome evil with good.
— Run Read Rest Recover
— Create Beautiful Things
— Don’t Postpone Positive

These reminders are incredibly helpful, whilst I work.

(2) Yesterday I really freaked out when I thought I had washed a pair of pants with my wallet in them and that both pants & wallet had been stolen from the laundry room. When I finally stopped freaking out and decided to go into town anyway, I casually reached for a pair of socks in the top dresser drawer and discovered that I had unconsciously neatly folded the pair of pants (with washed wallet as well), and placed them beneath all the socks and underwear. Needless to say, I was really grateful. (All the cards still work, too.)

(3) I went downtown to pay my rent yesterday and learned a great lesson while I lingered. The downtown situation increases my anxiety so hugely it’s best to avoid it as much as possible. I again found myself taking my mask on and off neurotically depending on whom I thought was judging me which way. As I rode away from downtown and hit the trail on my bicycle, the glaringly bright sky immediately turned to a mellow pastel, and my spirit was soothed in a way reminiscent of San Francisco.

(4) Another great lesson was learned last night as I found myself stressing over the podcast soon to be released, again running counter to the ideal of maintaining a quiet life in my retirement. Abandoning the anxiety, I took a brisk three mile walk between nine and ten at night. On my return, my spirit was at peace — and I more-or-less magically knew how to make the podcast better!

(5) The first podcast involving staff members of the Latah Recovery Center discussing the barriers faced by homeless people will be posted at high noon today. Don’t miss it! I have never encountered anything like it, in all my day.

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Tuesday Tuneup 106

Q. Where would you like to be?

A. What?

Q. I asked you: “Where would you like to be?”

A. Is that what you’re going to ask me this morning?

Q. Well, I just asked you it, didn’t I?

A. I imagine you did.

Q. Well, you gonna answer it?

A. I suppose so.

Q. What do you mean, suppose so?  

A. Just what I said, suppose so! 

Q. Well, what’s your answer?

A. I would like to be in a place where . . . hmm .  . . where I am free of fear, and where I am fully authentic.

Q. How are the two related?

A. They’re related because it’s fear that keeps me from being fully authentic.

Q. What are you afraid of?

A. I’m afraid that my real self will not be acceptable.

Q. Acceptable to whom?

A. To people whom I need.

Q. Do you really need these people?

A. Yes.   We all need people.   

Q. Are you afraid that if you show your true colors, you will lose them?

A. Yes.

Q. So what colors do you show them instead?

A. False colors, obviously.

Q. Can you give me an example?

A. Well, take the other night, when I was preparing the podcast for tomorrow.   As soon as the devices were rolling, and I knew I was being recorded, I became completely uptight.  I tried to compensate for my uptight state by putting on a stage voice.   At the time I thought it was the right thing to do — the professional thing to do.   But later, when I listened to the recording, I felt that I sounded forced and phony. 

Q. Can’t you just record it over again, and try to sound less affected this time?   And more like your real self?

A. Not possible.  There were two people involved in the podcast, and I would inconvenience them to ask them to meet a second time.

Q. Do you think the other person may also have been nervous?   Perhaps they too were not their true self?

A. Again, not possible.   As I listened to the recording, they seemed perfectly relaxed and at ease.  Totally natural — calm, rational, genuine — in fact, all the other participants have been little short of excellent — in all their spoken contributions.  It is only I who cannot measure up to the level of authenticity and integrity that I desire so strongly in myself and others.  I am the one who fails at his own endeavor . .  it is I who —

Q. May I interrupt?

A. Please do.

Q. How can you possibly believe that your perceptions are accurate?   

A. What do you mean?

Q. Is it logically possible that all these other people are performing perfectly, and you alone are in error?

A. I guess not.

Q. You guess not?

A. Okay – I know not.   But still it bugs me that I can’t find my authentic voice.

Q. Aren’t you confusing your inner voice with your speaking voice?

A. What’s the difference?

Q. Isn’t your speaking voice a mere anatomical apparatus?   Isn’t your Inner Voice the Voice of the Heart – the True Voice – from whence the True Self shines though?

A. But shouldn’t the speaking voice be a reflection of the Inner Voice?

Q. Does everybody have to be a good speaker?   What about somebody who can’t speak at all?   Does this deny them the right to access their own Inner Voice?  

A. Well, it shouldn’t. 

Q. Then why can’t you just let your speaking voice be?

A. Because it’s — lousy.

Q. Is everything about you lousy?

A. No.  I’m good at some things.   You know what they are.   

Q. Then why not focus on what you’re good at?

A. Are you saying, you don’t want me to make any more podcasts?

Q. Did I say that?

A. No.

Q. Do you think you should give up on the podcasts?

A. Well, no — because the information being exchanged is potentially very valuable — at least to certain sorts of people who are potentially very significant — and therefore the positive content of the podcasts outweighs the negative nature of my vocal delivery.

Q. So you’re going to keep up the Spoken Word projects, even though you don’t like the sound of your own voice?

A. I’m not sure.   It takes an awful long time to edit these things, though I do enjoy the process.

Q. So there are other variables to be considered?

A. Indeed there are.   

Q. Will you see me again next week?

A. Will you ask me a different question?

Q. Why should I?

A. Because this question didn’t lead to a conclusion.   I mean, there’s got to be a question that will get us where we need to go more quickly.   Don’t you think? 

The Questioner is silent.   

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Gratitude List 1630

(1) I’m feeling more peace about things than I’ve felt for a long time.

(2) I’ve been playing piano tunes lately from my set list at Gulliver’s of San Francisco, the gig I held throughout the 90’s. They seem to reflect a happy, more contented spirit than the earlier, more tumultuous, more boisterous stuff.

(3) Finally made it to Winko’s last night. Nice of Susan to give me a ride there and back. I had planned to buy $260 worth of groceries, eyeballed it at the store without a list, and came home with $261 and change. Pretty sure I’m good for the month.

(4) The team had a great meeting yesterday afternoon, in which our direction was clarified. We’re focusing on the Audio Show now, and I’m enjoying receiving lines that everyone records into their phones and mixing them at home using Audacity. Also, we’ve been getting more donations lately on the site here — some from entirely unexpected sources. It’s encouraging to see us all having a good time with the project, and it’s a good feeling to know that people are drawn toward it.

(5) I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just say it. I’m thankful that I don’t live in California anymore. It can be a beautiful place, but it’s just so nice not to be struggling to survive in that chaotic, cut-throat culture. People up here are just nicer enough and I have just enough more breathing room, that I no longer feel incapable of doing the things I enjoy, for all the struggle I was having down there trying to “make it.” I’m thankful for my retirement income. I’m thankful that this month marks three years where I’ve paid rent on a place of my own, where I’ve lived in peace and quiet. I would have died in a gutter down there. I’m thankful for my life.

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” 
-Harriet Tubman

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