Gratitude List 1152

(1) Managed to get three hours of sleep last night, with dreams even, following one of those long dark nights of the soul.  Slept from about 5 till 8 in the morning.  Glad I got some rest, and glad I can take it easy today.

(2) My daughter is doing so well now.  I and her other friends received her first Gratitude List yesterday — and she thanked me for the idea.  She really has a lot to be thankful for these days, and she knows it.

(3) Latah Recovery Center.  We are here for us when we need us.  It’s like no other place in town.

(4) This town, by the way, is like no other place on Earth.

(5) It’s a beautiful Spring day in the city of my birth.

(6) I can’t help but have noticed that the director of my show sees eye to eye to me.  We are getting along well, and communicating really well, too.  I am also very impressed with the female lead, and others on board, as well.

(7) I have a bicycle now.  It’s fun, and it greatly decreases the amount of time it takes to get from A to B.

(8) The unique events of the past have indeed informed the consciousness of the present, and insights as to this phenomenon have been very useful.  At the same time, I become more grateful when I ponder what kind of future might stem from the present, than I do when I ponder how the present has stemmed from the past.

(9) This is the first time in about as long as I can remember when the musicians in my life have wanted to play my music, and the singers in my life have wanted to sing it — and they’re not even in it for the money.   They actually like the music.   When I really stop to think about how cool this is, the sense of blessing is almost impossible to describe.

(10) I have a lot of problems in my life right now.  But when I think of the blessings, I am renewed in hope.  His blessings are new every morning.  Great is His faithfulness.

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Gratitude List 1147

This one’s from Friday morning (edited slightly toward the end).  

1. Slept a lot, from around 9pm till just 5am, about eight hours. Only got up once to use the bathroom, at around 1:30. Next thing I knew, it was morning.

2. Man, I just remembered sleeping cautiously outside of St. Joseph the Worker church, waking up at least five times in the middle of every night (if I even was fully asleep) having to clandestinely urinate behind a designated bush, and eyeing my surroundings at all times with great concern before stealthily finding my way back to my two layers of cardboard, in order to crawl underneath my two blankets. Contrasting that with #1 above makes me know what I have to be grateful for.

3. Am on 3rd cup of nice Co-Op coffee I brewed in the Black & Decker. Had a dark Hershey bar with almonds and a larger Quaker oatmeal with peanut butter.

4. There was a time when in order to get my morning cup of coffee, I had to stand beneath an outdoor church stairway while an angry black man barked orders at me and others. Eventually, we were all permitted to step upstairs and into a large hall, where one by one we obtained our cups of coffee from the same angry man. We then waited for about a half hour under strict surveilance before permitted to stand in a long line to obtain our oatmeal and peanut butter. If I ever think my life is hard today, I am mistaken.

5. First Presbyterian Church. Great teaching, fellowship, and resources.

6. The location of my apartment is an ongoing blessing. I’m just distanced enough from the hub bub that it makes it difficult to go down to Main Street and get into any trouble even if I do have that anxious hankering on a Friday night.

7. The community of this intriguing, quiet college town is an easy access to inspiration as well as to renewed motivation to cease from unsavory behavior.

8. Today in particular is a new day full of blessing and promise.

9. Outstanding rehearsal last night. For my part, it was a turning point.  I made a point of being well-prepared, of having a clear purpose.   I think the director and the two actors present picked up on this.   Kelsey and Marshall sang Turns Toward Dawn extremely well, and I like what Dave began to do with their scene.   It was a pivotal point, a fulcrum.  I see pretty clearly a very positive direction, from here.

10. Seven-thirty in the morning, and time to get on with the day. God is Good.

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Further Resolve

Not that I’m big on resolutions.  December 31st would be just another day of the year for me, were it not for the fact that it marks the end of this horrible farce of a holiday season some dare to call “Christmas” which has absolutely nothing to do with the birth of Jesus on any level.   

If one is impoverished, which the vast majority of Americans are today (let’s face it) one has to endure long periods of time when all resources for food close down, while facing maddening photos of lavish gifts and expenditures on sites like Facebook, and the knowledge that even supportive friends of theirs are suddenly on “holiday” – taking vacations, flying to distant States and countries, when most of the gratitude we can muster is in the fact that we are not yet (or no longer) having to beg for change or fly a sign on a busy city sidewalk.   To make matters worse, if I even propound these simple truths, I am accused of being “negative” in a society that has come to confuse that which is positive with that which is denial.  

homeless jesus 1To overlook the suffering of the multitudes in favor of indulging the pleasures of the few is not a “positive attitude.”  It’s an attitude that neglects the suffering of those in need in favor of indulging the worldly pleasures of those who can afford to do so.  If one doesn’t believe me, take a look at how Jesus behaved throughout the three years of his ministry on Earth.  He continuously supported those in need, hung out with them, and fed them without reserve or qualification.  And he railed against the ruling establishment of his day.  Were he to return to America in similar form today, he would no doubt be chided for having a “negative attitude.”  So come on, peeps.  Let’s get real for once.

All that ranted, I will now return to the subject (which by the way, I never began in the first place).

As I was saying, I’m not big on resolutions.  However, I would like to state a commitment I’ve made for the year 2019.  Today being excepted (due to laryngitis),  I will do my best to adhere to the following blog schedule:

Wednesday — a speech
Thursday – a substantial blog post
Friday – a musical offering (probably piano, maybe singing too)
Saturday – a day of rest (observing the Sabbath)
Sunday – a Scripture quote (or information from other spiritual literature)
Monday – a gratitude list
Tuesday – the “Tuesday Tuneup”

If I did make a New Year’s Resolution, it’s pretty much been stated in Tuesday Tuneup 36.  This is a mere addendum.  I’ll also do my best to get them all posted at 7:30am PST.  So – voilà my resolve.  Let’s hope it sticks.

I’ve got a lot to say, and there’s a need to redeem as much time as possible in this fallen world, for the days are truly evil.  Let’s get it together, America — before it’s too late.

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A little bit goes a long, long way.

 

Psychology of an Insecure Creative

Last night I sent the music to my song “The Very Same World” to Erika, the new Director of Music at my church.   This afternoon I found myself writing very nervously in my private diary.  Included were passages such as follows:  

I felt instantly horrible about the song I sent her the very first moment after I clicked on “send.”  Before I clicked on “send,” I thought my song had promise.  Immediately after knowing it would soon be scrutinized by a person of intimidating musical talent, I decided that the song sucked.

I chose that song, The Very Same World, only because of three things:

1. An earlier, faster version of it has gotten far more plays on my SoundCloud than any other song of mine.

2. When I sent my music to my brother, he singled out “The Very Same World” as the song he liked the best, calling it an “excellent composition” and “world class.”

3. When I sent the lyrics to my daughter, she got back to me saying they were “awesome!”

Other than that, no one has really commented on it. I don’t much like it myself.  I somewhat regret not finding the time today to get “Midnight Screams” to her instead.  But “Midnight Screams” forces the singer to extend a very high long “e” sound, odiously enough. I haven’t gotten around to changing the words yet, which might even involve changing the title, since that “e” sound is on the word “screams.’ Forget what high note it is specifically, but it’s high.

Later, after the church dinner, I spoke briefly with Erika.  During the brief conversation, I changed my mind.   I decided the “Same World” tune was good after all, because I heard myself sing a few lines from it.  The lines sounded good to me when I sang them, and I believe I saw Erika smile.

Most of all, however, when I timidly admitted that I had put the word “screams” on a long-held high note in “Midnight Screams,” forcing the singer to have to sing an extended long E vowel sound, Erika simply said:

 

The gallery for --> No Problem Smiley

She then amazed me with just about the most thrilling long E high note I’ve ever heard.  Nobody’s going to shout “verboten” at that good a voice  – and now I don’t have to change the title either.

I slept well last night.  My neurosis has been relieved.   

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More of the Same World

I cut yet another version of this today.  I didn’t exactly work all day, but almost.  At one point I took a walk out to the Arboretum, just because everybody says to do so.  There, it was very pretty.  Shortly later, however, I came back, and resumed work.

I finished this a little past 3:24 of what is in reality a 4:40 piece.  However, I faded it at around 3:02, just like its predecessor, because there’s a natural fade there where it won’t be anticlimactic.

I’ve been feeling angry over an attitude I’m getting from some people who knew me when I was in entirely different circumstances.   These sorts of people don’t seem to understand that their ongoing attitude is unacceptable to me.   By and large, they never actually listen to my music or appreciate the prodigy invested in it.  All they do is notice that there are no vocals, and say something to the effect of: “My time is more important than this.  I’ll listen to this once you have the singing on it.”  In so doing, they completely overlook all the detailed scoring of instrumental parts I put into this effort.  It’s extremely condescending, and I’m not sure why I put up with it.

I’m strongly compelled to equate this attitude with a “California attitude” that many people in other States find puzzling.  However, it’s more likely that I myself was caught up in that syndrome when I lived there, and I can just thank God to have escaped it.  Besides, another friend of mine, also from California, listened to this song from a sincere heart, without scoffing at me or dismissing me as though not worth his time.  Not only him, but his wife and twenty-year-old daughter also appreciated my work.  I could tell that their appreciation was genuine; then my friend also followed me on my SoundCloud.  

This is a good thing.  I’ll take the good with the bad, as my dad always used to say.  I don’t know why I get hung up trying to please everybody.  The truth is that I don’t have the female singers yet.  I also don’t have the exact accompaniment down yet, to be heard by the singers, and support them.  This, what you’re hearing today, comes close.  What I’m hoping is that I can overlook the cynical voice of opposition enough to keep moving forward.  My hope for the week is simply this.  I would like for the much-needed singers to emerge at around about the time I’m finished with this instrumental accompaniment.  In any case, it makes no sense to drop the accompaniment as a project and look full-force for the singers, if when I find them, I don’t have a complete accompaniment for their use.

The Wheels Are Spinning

After church yesterday morning, I spoke with my pastor briefly. He said he had listened to some of the Eden in Babylon score as posted on this page. Anticipating his objection, I waited for him to elaborate. He phrased it positively when he did, and I’m also certain that he would never have characterized his observation as an “objection.”  It’s just that I’ve heard it all too often before, so I tend to be on guard.  And for good reason – for he basically said what everybody else always says: that he would like to hear it all put together – meaning the singing as well as the instrumentals.

That’s a friendly way of saying that it’s hard to tell from hearing the music alone just how the words are supposed to fit in. People look at lyrics I’ve posted; they listen to the music I’ve posted; and they think “OK – these words are supposed to match up with this music? How, exactly?” It really does put a damper on people’s ability to appreciate what I’m about. I can deny that obvious fact no longer.

So – a logical next move would be round up some singers and put them over the instrumental tracks. But who are these singers?  It is one thing for me proclaim: “I will round them up.”  But what does this mean, precisely?  Round them up – from where?  From whom?  Will they sing for free? The pastor suggested I might be able to use the church facilities, meaning the sound board, the mixer, and the microphones. He hinted at my even using members of the Choir, and I’ll admit there are some awfully decent voices there. But can they handle my style?   Well, perhaps.  But will they truly vibrate with the groove?  Doubtful.  There’s a certain type of worldly, non-churchy vibration in the music itself that lends itself to something a bit down-and-dirty at times.   It’s kind of the pastor to have offered, but it’s also uncomfortably recalling how I could easily find the right singers and pay them what they’re worth – if only I had the money.

But since I don’t, it strikes me that the School of Music might be a more likely place to find competent singers who can sing in the style of my characters and who would enjoy learning this music and recording it with me – possibly even to the point of doing so for free. About paying them, I can sort of “feel it out” when I talk with them, and definitely seek to make an impression on an academic musical level, so that they’ll recognize me as a composer-theoretician, and we can all mutually vibrate on that level as amiably as is to be expected.  Money can be brought up at around about that point.

Also, to sort of wade gently into the unknown waters here, this “rounding up effort” can be realistically restricted to a small number of “character singers” at first. I need Winston, Benzo, Mortalis, and Taura – that’s four.  Throw in a fifth woman for other female parts, and me doing the other male parts, and we have ourselves a pretty decent blend. So that would be five people to concern myself with having to pay, five people with whom I would have concerned myself with “rounding up” to begin with.  Whether the field I tap is the School of Music or anywhere else, if it’s a matter of advertising, then I’ll need to word my advertisements in a compelling manner, as well as cultivate an appealing approach, in general.

singers-in-rehearsalI’ll need a legible score, but that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I can extract parts from my Finale files. It will only be a problem if I become perfectionist about it, and allow it to enclose me back into isolation. This I can avoid by churning out one number at a time, while in the process of slowly gleaning singers. If we’re only talking about a handful of singers besides myself, whom we may assume will need to be very decent musicians and/or musical theatre people who have a real, built-in reverence for the kind of prodigious accomplishment to be found in the flagrant manifestation of remarkable musical score; then these being the caliber of people whom I seek probably wouldn’t mind working for free at this stage. It’s also possible that maybe I can simultaneously seek some small measure of financial support, so that they won’t have to render their services for absolutely nothing.

The wheels are spinning, anyway. I have a complete script now, so it doesn’t make much sense that the next phase of the project would entail too much more isolation. I ought to be able to use the fact of the completed script to encourage further human involvement, such as by holding a reading. But I don’t want to just focus on that, at the expense of connecting the musical dots, because I feel that to do so is a higher priority.  Although it’s true that I’ve now completed a libretto, I don’t even have a full vocal-score to present to singers or to a musical director, nor do I have (especially) samples of the music including the singing as well as the instrumental accompaniment, on which anyone can clearly hear what the score is all about.  So despite that I’ve completed a script full of text, I still don’t have a completed package.  It’s still not quite marketable.

It does seem, however, that to prepare the next piece of the package will need to involve about five other people, to do it decently, by whom I mean singers, who can sing the different character parts, along with myself, and I can maybe just accompany all the songs on the piano, if that’s the easiest way for them to learn the music, and for me to put it across.  After all, it’s what I’ve been doing all my life – so I might as well  go the extra mile here.  As to exactly where to find these other comrades of the Arts, this is another story.  But I am firmly affixed that this is the next step.